Everything contaminated

[phil06]

Update:

I gave in I bought a third cylinder Hoover the one I got the other day was upright. I thought having a different type would be enough to ease my anxiety. Good news is the new Hoover is only £15 more and someone is buying the one I'm worried about being contaminated.

I know i need help for this as I'm also worrying about other contents in my wardrope. I feel weak for giving in but it was so powerful I felt the urge to get rid..anybody else with OCD feel the urge to dispose of stuff?

[MyNameIsTerry]

The thing is, Phil, a seal on a box isn't necessarily to keep out bacteria. So, is anything truelly ever free? Do the people on the production lines spray or wipe down everything before they put them in the box? So, this is where anxiety & OCD are selective and not looking at things rationally; it's tunnel vision on the obsession. Our bodies are covered in bacteria and it's in the air so just taking it out of the box means it's contaminated but why doesn't your OCD see that? It's because it's irrational in nature because if you wanted to rationally determine how bacteria could get on the hoover, you would be saying something like I have here.

Right now it's intense but yes it can ease and yes it can go to complete recovery as well. The thoughts can still come but it's the fact the reaction changes so they don't bother you anymore and those thoughts just come a lot less. I know this because I've been on that journey and for the majority of my OCD I am now out of the other side of it. What you are saying here is exactly what I was saying to myself when I was walking the streets checking every written sign or number in sight and many more compulsions.

I know how powerful it seems, it owned my life from waking to sleeping for over a year before I started finding ways to deal with it.

Don't feel bad for giving in. I performed hundreds of compulsions each day as mine were quick rituals opposed to what you are going through. In terms of me giving in, it was within the first 5 minutes of getting out of bed and probably 10+ times by then! Until you have recovered from OCD, you will give into it but each time to don't you are moving closer towards controlling it and letting it go.

Trying to forget an obsession or intrusive thoughts or worries just makes you think about them more. It's been proven in studies. It makes sense when you think about it because you are setting your mind a task and saying "mind, I don't want to think about this anymore" and what does your mind do? It starts to go to work trying to stop thinking but how can you stop thinking by starting thinking? You can't. This is why acceptance works better because you acknowledge thoughts as merely thoughts and let them go. It's hard to master and my personal preference is Mindfulness as it teaches it in stages as opposed to the many books that just tell you do it and leave you scratching your head about.

If you sell the hoover or even give it away to charity, it's giving in. This feeds the anxiety disorder. But thats ok, you can't be expected to resolve an anxiety disorder overnight so whilst you give in now, you will learn not to later and then you won't be selling or giving away your hoover.

As You know, it's the hoover now thats your main focus. If you threw all 3 hoovers in the bin within a matter of days you would be focussing on another object as another main problem. It may be one of the lesser worrying objects it turns to next or something completely new, but it will happen. Thats just OCD.

[phil06]

You were right my worry is something else now but I have also been dwelling on the fact I now feel I wasted money buying another two hovers.

Tonight when I came out the shower a tiny piece of toilet paper maybe fell from my under wear it was next to a coffee table yes in sealed box as I am moving so worried that's contaminated now. Also I have had thoughts like the cushions on my cupard are contaminated with the coat hanger too.

I sit all night depressed in bed worrying about this when its to intense and all I will feel is how all these different things could be dirty when I move out I know these thoughts will come. I will have "safe items" or safe areas of the house. It's mostly toilet related stuff it's not the getting ill from germs it's more the fact most toilet stuff is horrible to think about and it's not going to feel new or totally clean I know toilet traces got near it. This has happened before small bits of toilet paper and I never got as anxious I just swept it now I'm worried a lot.

So yes the way it's going I will feel everything is dirty I wish I could be more
Clean I freak even if any small traces or participles of toilet paper hit the floor when wiping if it sparks out or of the toilet bowl splashes but this doesn't worry me as much as I use to. But with the coffee table I'm now like "omg
I can't put my remote on it as its dirty" ..it's never ending this anxiety

---------- Post added at 02:18 ---------- Previous post was at 02:17 ----------

Like I am worried I will make my new home unclean of I blocked toilets or something
And had thoughts like it would be dirty for 100's of years

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I had a feeling you would kick yourself over the money. This is common in OCD, we get annoyed with ourselves and admonish ourselves for being stupid to do it all

The thing with germs is, you can't see them. So, they could be flying off that toilet paper as you are dropping it on the floor.

You are having unreasonable thoughts based on perfectionism, a typical OCD issue. Changing your thoughts so that you accept that perfect is never what we achieve is something you can do. You need to learn that this is ok.

Your home not being perfectly clean is how everyone's home is. Unless someone seals themselves in a bubble and uses something that kills everything off, it will never be fully clean. This is another distorted thought here because you can't even seen if something is perfectly clean, you can only see what is clean to the naked eye. It's not like you are using a very powerful magnifying glass to look for microscopic dirt.

So, you need to be telling yourself that it is ok for something not to be perfectly clean. You say you want to be cleaner but I bet if we all came around your place on an NMP coachtrip we would all see an extremely clean environment and be remarking about how it's cleaner than ours.

There is an opportunity to use the ERP approach but also the cognitive side of CBT so that you consciously acknowledge that it is ok to put that remote on the table because the table & the remote will have microscopic dirt on them but thats ok and you wouldn't even be aware of it, just like everyone else and they don't care.

[phil06]

So do you think the germs reached into the box or am I being over paranoid? I know there will be germs on anything as its assembled ect but I'm more worried about toilet germs my head says the table is spoiled or the Hoover is spoiled? And I get that urge to throw away?

[shakey1961]

May I ask a question Phil? How do you think the germs get into the box? Is the box sealed or open when they get in?

Could I also add, would it not help ease your fears if before and after you used or stored something, you wiped it down with disinfectant? I'm just thinking from a cost point of view. I don't want to increase your OCD, but might it help if you had some spray solution that you could wipe over whatever you think is contaminated? It would not be contaminated after you'd wiped it down. Just a thought that it may calm your fears a bit.

[Fishmanpa]

Phil,

After reading this and just about all your other threads, it's painfully obvious that intensive professional help is needed to help you overcome your OCD and fears. I don't know what anyone could say (that hasn't already been said) that would truly help. I know you've been on meds and have had therapy but I haven't seen a reference to that recently. It just seems you're really stuck and it's not getting better.

I truly wish you the best.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Just be careful with using solutions to clean with, some people with OCD progress into self harm e.g. bleachig their hands. If you get urges to do that, make sure you contact your GP.

This is the thing, Phil, everything everywhere has germs on. We can't live in a world without them. Unless you live in a special facility that the scientists or medical professionals clean for you, you are living in a world with bacteria, germs, dirt, etc. This is the thing with Cognitive Distortions, you aren't seeing that you are using your eyes to look for dirt when that won't even show you everything anyway. You need to change your thinking so that you accept that these things exist all around you and that there is a normal range of cleaning and then there is an obsessive disorder distorting & skewing your thinking towards things being contaminated.

A question. How do you ensure that something microscopic doesn't fall off toilet paper than you use? Do you somehow wipe with your bottom inside the toilet and the paper & your bottom doesn't come out? Then even after you have wiped, how do you know your bottom is completely clean at a microscopic level? You don't and it won't be unless you use something to kill anything that could be there and toilet paper doesn't do that. So, how do you know that when you are standing wiping or that when you stand up, something doesn't fall off and touch the floor or your clothes? (something microscopic) You don't. So, do you immediately take off your clothes and wash them, wash the mats/carpets, clean the seat, etc? If you did, what about the things you touched before that around the room? Do you stand there naked and not leave the room until it has be cleaned as well as your body?

That might be triggering, and I apologise if it is, but thats the reality and not what you OCD is having you concentrate on. Your OCD has your attention on certain elements of the process, not the whole process. This is where things like Cognitive Distortions come into play in our thinking. We aren't looking at it like an analyst, scientist or trained person would. So, we are leaving gaps in reviewing the process and focussing on certain elements that are OCD is telling us may be a problem.

So, in challenging such thoughts to change your thinking you look at things end-to-end like above.

I bet you have got a whole load of "what ifs" going on in your heard with this. Challenge negative "what ifs" with positive "what ifs". Say "what if X isn't dirty", "what if nothing is wrong", etc. At least 3 or more for each negative.

I also think this forum lacks for OCD. I would encourage you to look at a charity such as OCD UK which has a free forum as you will find more people who have been through this who will be able to tell you what they had to do and what their therapists guided them with.

For me, the throwing away is an escalation and could lead onto more things and that needs addressing. I think you should be talking to your GP too and getting referred onto CBT for this but I also know that you can conquer this without that and with the support of others who understand. It really means taking the steps to deal with it though whichever route you take.

[phil06]

Since this post I have had lots of worries.

I bought a new floor mop as the other new one may have been contaminated.

I fear the toilet germs will move over to the new house. If I block a toilet or what if somebody touched something before and they never cleaned there hands enough and my stuff is contaminated?

The bin issue worries me all those germs spread around. Even the idea of anybody not washing there hands makes me worry. Blocking toilets is quite unclean so as much as I try to be clean I am making it unclean too if it won't flush. How can I ease these worries?

[Fishmanpa]

How can I ease these worries?

What do you think the answer to that question is? (Hint: It's not another new Hoover).

Positive thoughts