My Benzo WD diary

[karenp]

So 2 years ago I was put on Lorazepam 2mg daily but eventually it had no effect on me, so I started taking more than prescribed and was switched to Diazepam 2x5mg daily for only 4 weeks before stopping benzo's altogether. I have been totally benzo free a week now and so far have been OK...off it and not sleeping but not gone through hell as yet! (I pray I don't).
My gp has given me Propananol 40mg x 3 times a day to help (Beta blocker).
I didn't take any last night before bed so have had the worst anxiety yet this morning but slept till 5am from 10pm. It's finally starting to wear off but I just feel generally yuck! But as I have said not absolutely terrible yet. I was on Mirtazapine for 8 months and when I came off that I had my head down the toilet every single day for three weeks the wd was so bad. So this has been so much easier so far. My gp says the actual benzo will physically be out of my blood stream now but I need to get over the mental dependence. I am making sure I just keep my mind as busy as possible so I don;t think too much about it all.

[karenp]

Woke up at 5am again today from half 10 last night so not bad. But feel totally low and anxious. Also feel quite sick but now I am up, I am starting to come round a bit. This is horrible though and I just wish it was night time again so I could go to sleep. I don't know if the beta-blocker is helping or not as last time I came off Lorazepam and Diazepam I had been on it a lot shorter length of time and tapered so slowly I just felt normal.
I was talking to my ex last night who stopped Klonopin quite rapidly and he says every day starts to get better. I'm praying.

[karenp]

Well today has been the worst morning so far. I have been awake since 3am and though I have taken Propranalol I am totally panicky so have got up and just trying to keep my mind occupied hoping this will settle soon. I was going to go out for a walk but it it is pouring it down. This has to be peaking now hopefully. I read yesterday most people have the worst effects in the first 3 weeks off a benzo then start feeling better. Praying so as this isn't nice at all. I am almost tempted to go back to my doctor and ask him to let me do a slower taper but I have come this far so will just carry on now.

[karenp]

It's almost 10am and I feel much better now, still not normal but butterflies have gone away now and terrible shaky anxious feeling. I've had a few bad heads too and a bit of an upset tummy needing the toilet. A little hot and cold flushing too during night. Oh and food all tastes weird though I am managing to eat fine. I think I can do this though!!!!! 7 days off now after at one point taking up to 6omg equiv of Diazepam of Lorazepam, some days non at all though as I did not have any anxiety for a year being prescribed 2mg daily. The short Diazepam crossover I did didn't help at all, Diazepam just doesn't touch me. But I am so so glad I have taken this step after two years and will be free of these evil drugs.

[karenp]

Day 8

Slept well or didn't wake up till 5am from 10pm which is a huge improvement on the night before. Feeling very anxious right now but mood good. Just hope this anxiety passes quickly, have take Propranalol.

[karenp]

Day 9

Had a good day all in all yesterday and felt great by 4pm but only slept until 2am and currently feel ever so panicky. Just want it to die down. I have an appointment today to see a counsellor and then another one especially for benzo withdrawal next week. I'm really nervous about going though to my appointment today which is crazy as I have met her before and she is so so nice. I am hoping this does not get any worse than it is. The waking up so early is a killer as I now have to try to stay awake until at least 10pm tonight hoping to sleep.

[karenp]

DAY 10
Slept okish, woke up at 4 and then up by 5.30am feeling weepy and anxious though it's not as bad as yesterday. I just feel more emotional. And want this horrible feeling to pass. I've stuck the tv on and come on my lap top to take my mind off it. Want to eat something to higher my blood sugars but can't face anything yet.
Yesterday I got signed up for some acupuncture sessions and a mindfulness course. My dad took me for my appointment and wanted to call and do his weekly grocery shop afterwards but I couldn't face it at all. It feels like I have totally lost my confidence to move away from this house unless I have to.

---------- Post added at 06:03 ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 ----------

PS. Weirdy feeling new symptoms. Buzzing in my brain like tremors. I have had these before when starting up on AD's. It is a strange sensation and I am just trying to keep calm and not worry about it. But hope it doesn't last all day. I just keep telling myself I have suffered with anxiety for 13 years and it has not killed me, so this is just my body reacting to the benzo being gone from my system.

[karenp]

DAY 11

I feel quite bad today but slept until 4am from 11pm. Not brilliant but not terrible. I am real panicky right now and getting intrusive thoughts and hot and cold flashes. My mood is pretty crappy and I feel like crying but can't. I am craving benzos so bad today to take this all away. I also keep getting brain buzzing and ringing in my ears again. Just trying to stay as calm as I can and tell myself this will pass and it's all just part of the wd process. I am not going to die.

[karenp]

DAY 12

Slept 10pm until 5.30am then fell back asleep for an other hour. Feeling a little bit better today all in all as anxiety not as intense. But still far from right yet. I couldn't face going out. But I am a lot calmer inside and not worrying about wd quite as much. I keep worrying that this will get worse not better or I will have wd forever.

[pulisa]

Karen, keep going! You are doing well and this won't last forever. I can't believe that you were kept on benzos for so long-your GP should be ashamed of himself