SO worried I said something about my intrusive thoughts?

[sadtimes]

I've been having this sick instrusive thought for a long time now and recently the past month I've been doing pretty well with it, I mean it's still there but it barely affects my day.

I got so drunk on Tuesday night, and when I get drunk I tend to spill my biggest secrets. I remember most of the night, but I have this huge fear that I said something about it to my boyfriend, here's reasons why I probably didn't and I'm scared for NO reason

- I wasn't even thinking about it when I was drunk, and I doubt I'd say anything about it if I wasn't thinking about it
- I remember pretty much every embarrassing thing I said, so i'd probably remember
- I would definitely remember saying it
- My boyfriend would probably be acting strange, he hasn't said a thing about it although he's the kind of person who'd just not tell me, I know a lot of embarrassing things I said and he hasn't reminded me about it so he probably wouldn't say anything if he knew

There's so many reasons why I didn't say anything about yet I'm freaking out about it, my biggest fear is people finding out about this. Why am I worrying so much??

[TomT]

Hey !

To your question, yes you are worrying too much but almost everyone with anxiety does. You shouldn't be embarrased about your thoughts, your boyfriend im sure loves you and won't reject you for them.
In my honest and humble opinion you should talk to him about your intrusive thoughts so you can take that load of your shoulders.

If you open up yourself to the ones that love you they can even help you out.

Many blessings !

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with Tom. I think being able to talk about them in some form, maybe a therapist/counsellor, even just on here, etc is a way to work towards accepting them because you are not keeping everything to yourself. So, if you feel you want to write something on here, you can and besides you are anonomous with your username and could change it, sign up again (with Admin permission), etc if it did become a problem (but I seriously doubt it would).

Whilst your BF wouldn't say anything about embarrassing thinsg we say when we have been drinking, if it was something he saw as extreme, I think he would be concerned and talk to you about it. Besides, if other people were involved he would likely be worried how you would be treated later. So, perhaps add that to your list against you saying anything.

I really don't think you would anyway because regardless of alcohol, these intrusive thoughts are something we work very hard to keep out of the physical world and your subconscious uses it to scare you. I think even if drunk you would see the thought and keep it in but it wouldn't affect you as much due to the alcohol.

Anxiety loves to prey on those uncertainties, the 99.9% chance things that we may never have an answer too. It's basic fight or flight, to scan for all possible threats and come up with ways to protect you. This is just another way wrapped around something you are fearful of having exposed.