OCD - Fear of being drugged or poisoned
I have had anxiety issues all my life and I was diagnosed with OCD when I was younger and back then it was a fear of contamination but with germs that time and I managed to get over the majority of it and in between then and now I have been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and agoraphobia. These 3 things for the most part are manageable now. They still play a part in my life every day but nowhere as much as OCD. So this summer, my stress levels were at an all time high and I noticed some old familiar feelings and thoughts came back which was ultimately OCD.
It all started when I was reading something about snake venom for a uni report on my phone and I was lying there happily reading it then suddenly this intrusive thought of "imagine if the venom from that snake could be transferred through the phone into you! You're dying!" and I knew 100% that was absolute crap and impossible but I couldn't shake off the thought and there was me back to my old self of running to the toilet and scrubbing my hands and wiping my phone all over. That made me feel better but not completely. I hoped it was just an once off incident because of stress and I hadn't been sleeping well but it developed into a daily habit which now affects my life severely.
My main worry is being drugged or poisoned. I think these scare me so much as I have a fear of losing control and also a fear of vomiting. Its affected my eating habits. I have lost a stone in the past month and anything I eat, I am convinced somewhere in my mind that it is poisoned or laced. i have never done any drugs in my life other than drink every now and again and I done weed once when I was 16 and it made me panicky so I stayed away ever since. I wont try new foods. We recently went to Asda for our shopping instead of the usual Tesco and we got a lot of things we buy at Tesco but we got the Asda version and one night we ate the chicken kievs from Asda and I usually eat them no bother from Tesco but I only ate 2 bites from it and for an hour afterwards I sat in panic mode waiting for the 'drugged or poisoning' symptoms to kick in. obviously they never did. I also have a fear that I am going to take an allergic reaction to food even though I never have. Anything I eat, whether I have ate a million times before in the past or not, I sit in panic for the first mins to see if I take a severe reaction.
Its not just food this fear has clung to, its also with things like clothes and soaps. Here's two examples. My mum came back from a trip from England 2 days ago and brought me back some lovely smelling soaps and I used one while in the bath yesterday and all I could think was it was laced with acid or something and I would start tripping which I know is absolutely bonkers. Another ones was a few weeks ago I noticed a white patch on my grey jeans, I knew it was the denim fading but my mind kept saying "no its cocaine!" and again, I knew it was utterly stupid and I have washed them 4 times since and I still wont wear them. Another one with clothes is my gran got me some t shirts from the charity shop and usually I wash clothes when I get them from there anyway, but even after I washed these tees, I couldn't get the "the patterns are actually laced with LSD" or something thoughts out my head and to try shut my mind up, I rubbed my hand all over the t shirt and told myself that if I am fine in an hour, this crazy thought has to stop. I am currently wearing the t shirt at the moment.
I know how crazy and silly it all sounds. I feel ashamed even though I know I shouldn't. I haven't spoke to my mum and partner about the true extent of how bad its getting and I am worried I have something more sinister like schizophrenia and not OCD. I am too scared to go back to my doctor as its hard enough writing all this down for you to read, let alone say it. I've also been in and out the docs with anxiety issues, I don't want them to think I am taking the mick. I can't afford private counselling so i really don't know what to do anymore.
Last edited by GingerFish; 13-09-15 at 21:06.
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C-PTSD (Complex Trauma), OCD, Panic Disorder, GAD
"Save your sympathy for someone else. I don't need it or want it. What you call a panic attack is merely a few normal chemicals that are temporarily out of place in my brain. It is of no significance whatsoever to me!"
"Recovery always lies ahead - however painful the moment"
"Recovery lies in the places and experiences you avoid"
Dr Claire Weekes.
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I have been struggling with this for some time amongst other things. I have been petrified to put it on here for fear of someone telling me I had something worse than ocd going on. I can't believe how some of your thoughts are exactly like mine. I haven't come across anyone with this specific fear and that made it so much more scary! I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I know exactly how you feel but I am so glad you posted this because I know I'm not alone. Please know that you are not either 
Originally Posted by Zeldagirl
