Feeling hopeless and stuck

[positivegirly]

hi guys, some of you may have read my last post about my new job and wanting to leave, I left and luckily my old place were kind enough to have me back, I went back today and although I was nervous to the point of feeling sick I saw it through and went and I'm going back tonight to do the late shift, also been asked to do extra tomorrow, the thing is I now feel like a failure, I feel stupid and embarrassed and everyone keeps asking me what happened which is understandable but it makes me feel so small, I left to get a better paying job and now I'm back there and I feel like such a looser, I feel like I'm stuck there now, don't get me wrong I like my job and am very grateful to have it back but I won't ever be able to leave now as I'm scared the same thing will happen again :( I'm not going to be able to afford to put money towards my wedding and definitely won't be able to move into my own place now :( I feel completely stupid, have a doctors appointment in 20mins to speak with him to see about upping my medication to help me get back on track.

[Pepperpot]

Awwww don't feel stupid. You simply didn't like the new job. Tell your co-workers that, it is nothing to be ashamed of. As for earning extra cash, I will PM you

[bernie1977]

At least you went and tried working somewhere else, so well done for that.

As for worrying about what other people think, unless we ask them directly what they're thinking we'll never know. We just speculate and of course think the worse.

---------- Post added at 16:37 ---------- Previous post was at 16:37 ----------

Awwww don't feel stupid. You simply didn't like the new job. Tell your co-workers that, it is nothing to be ashamed of. As for earning extra cash, I will PM you

Please PM me details of ways of earning extra cash, if it's legal

[Pepperpot]

At least you went and tried working somewhere else, so well done for that.

As for worrying about what other people think, unless we ask them directly what they're thinking we'll never know. We just speculate and of course think the worse.

---------- Post added at 16:37 ---------- Previous post was at 16:37 ----------



Please PM me details of ways of earning extra cash, if it's legal

Hahahaha of course it's legal. x

[dally]

I appreciate your frustration regarding losing the higher paid wage.
But, you can only do what you can do.

On the plus side, you still have a job that you like, and your old boss must've really liked and appreciated you.

[positivegirly]

Hi guys thanks for your replies, I went to the Drs yesterday and he suggested going back to therapy or counselling, I'm not sure, I haven't done that for 15 years and I don't know if I can, I'm struggling to accept this is happening to me again after all this time, my life was going well up until now, I'm now even doubting I can get married next year as I feel like my nerves will stand in the way and I feel so sorry for my partner, he has never seen me like this before and I know it scares him, he's very supportive but I don't want to hold him back, we can't go on holiday abroad as I'm scared of flying, we can't move in together as I now have no money, I feel like I'm putting his life on hold and it's not fair. Maybe I should go to see somebody, I obviously have a lot to talk through. Back to today, Iv had another bad morning, I woke up at 2.30 with an upset stomach which I think is due to not eating much at all for the pst 2 weeks. This turned Ito a full blown panic attack which lasted for ten minutes, shaking and nausea, it was awful, I sat on the edge of my bed and eventually managed to calm down but I'm now exhausted and facing a 9hr day at work and it's only my second day back in my old job, I would love to just get back into bed and fall asleep but it won't happen and I have to leave for work in just over an hour, I don't know how much more my poor body can take with lack of food and sleep deprivation, it's such a viscous circle. I have upped my medication slightly but the Dr said he didn't want to put it up too much just yet. I'm really struggling and I don't know what to do :(

[RoseD]

Dont feel stuck in your job, there up are other things you know this as you left. If you can leave once you can do it again remember you started somewhere.

I felt stuck in my job but even looking for what else is available out there helped me, applying for other things online, or just handing cvs out(if you can) , its sometimes all you need and sometimes things pull off.

You will get there just a step backwards but you will go forwards again soon enough

[positivegirly]

Thank you RoseD, you are right about applying for jobs, it makes me feel better knowing I'm not just sitting back doing nothing about my situation, I hope something comes along soon, I'm relying on overtime to see me through Christmas but that could stop at any time which makes me panic! I am really regretting leaving the new job as the money was so good but then I think to myself how miserable it made me and how bad my panic attacks were and realise I couldn't of carried on like that, no job or amount of money is worth that. Anyway I'm doing as many hours as I can in my old job for now and applying for jobs all the time, I just got home from a very long shift so off to bed I go! xx