Originally Posted by
jmd2005
Being married to a woman who doesn't always enjoy sex and would be fine without it, I can say that your partner is being patient. It is called love.
You say there is no trauma in your past. I assume you have exhaustively looked at it. It may be something that isn't as obvious, but it is still a possibility. My wife was sexually abused and it has impacted her. Some who have had as much abuse as she has had, shut it out of the mind and no longer remember it. Others may have been abused in a way that seems trivial to them, and yet that is enough to make sex "dirty" or painful or frightening. Still others develop an avoidance of sex due to upbringing.
My wife enjoys penetration, but she doesn't get off on it much. She has but she can get off more from oral. But sex lost much of its attractiveness I think as a result of childhood abuse. She has had extensive counseling and this helped tremendously. We do have children.
I agree with Genoire. There is some fear that is started from somewhere. It may be that you can remember something but it doesn't seem like enough of a reason to cause your fear. It could be that you shut some incident out of your mind. Or it simply could be that as a child you developed a fear based on something you heard.
Getting to the bottom may be the answer to your fear. Since it bothers you this much, it would make your life happier.