Need some help 😔

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Guys

I haven't been on these forums for a while been kidding myself I am ok when I'm really not 😔

Had a horrendous couple of weeks with my anxiety really bad I don't know why or how this has got so bad but maybe if I tell my story you guys can help me

I have IBS,underactive Thyroid,chronic nerve pain and fibromyalgia 😔

I take colofac,levothyroxine,lanzoprozole and amitriptaline for my nerve pain

around 11th Sept I stopped taking my Amitriptaline after I had convinced myself they were not really doing anything for me I stopped them on a Saturday and took nothing for my nerve pain all that week I was 3 weeks into a new job I am only a cleaner so nothing stressful or CEO like but I do a lot of mopping now which also could have affected my hands

I went to the doctors on the Thursday and told her my anxiety and nerve pain were getting me down I told her I had stopped my amitriptaline and she gave me Duloxetine I took one Thursday and one Friday on Saturday morning I had a horrendous panic attack I was so so scared I am petrified of hospitals and tests so the thought of going to any kind of walk in centre or A&E just cripples me with fear I can not explain how scared I get I was up and down all weekend little panics most of Saturday my anxiety does seem to be around my heart

First thing Monday morning went to se any GP he listened never did any checks on me I asked if he thought it could be because I stopped the Amitriptaline he said it could have I asked could it be the new tablets he said it could have he told me to go back to what I know ie the Amitriptaline and get rid of the new ones

I came away feeling much better but a little disappointed that he didn't check my blood pressure listen to my lungs etc etc I asked him twice if he was confident it wasn't my heart and he said absolutely

My week carried on sometimes I would be crippled by fear of maybe having to go hospital what if I ever do? How will I cope? What if I'm not here tomorrow? What will my kids do? It went on and on so yday morning I went back doctors I had had a cold so I was very congested causing me headaches I got him to check that out he said siniutitis and gave me a nasal spray I spoke to him about my anxiety he listened to my lungs he said clear he listened to my heart said it sounded normal then he took my blood pressure 165/83 or 167/83 can't remember exactly which one but deffo one of them 😔 he said top number was a bit high he said it was probably my anxiety but I have to go see the nurse in 2 weeks to have it checked again if it is still high I will have to have a 24 hour blood pressure monitor 😩😩😩

As I type this I am aching all over Fibromyalgia? I feel colicky IBS? I have headache Sinnutitis? My back I suffer with the worse it is very stiff my hands tingle my arms sometimes feel cold I am so so scared I can't even put it into words I have little probably 30 seconds of panic I manage to hide from my family where in my head I am down the hospital rigged up to all sorts of machines with a doctor looking at me like he doesn't know what is wrong 😩😩

Could this be because I stupidly stopped my pills? My amitriptaline? They are only 10 mcg but are they helping me more than I thought? Could it have been 2 days of the Duloxetine? They were 60mcg I don't want to feel this way anymore I've had enough please help 😢😢😢

[blondie47]

I'm not familiar with all your medications but I can tell you for sure that when we panic, our blood pressure goes sky high. When I'm in non panic mode, my blood pressure is always perfect. If my anxiety is high, it's through the roof. My GP, who I've had for over 20 years, knows me so well that he knows not to even worry about it when it is through the roof - to him it's a sign that my anxiety is high.

As for the stuff about imagining yourself hooked up to machines, etc., I wish I could tell you what to do there - if I knew the answer to that I'd do it myself. I do the same thing. I'm always picturing some horrific illness where the doctors are gathered around me telling me I have weeks to live.

The one thing I can say...I am 54 years old. I have had 2 serious scares and 1 real illness. None of those were anything I anticipated. All 3 were caught by accident, with no symptoms leading up. Everything I "imagined" always turned out to be my anxiety. The real illnesses were caught by doctors who know what they are looking at. And when faced with those real illnesses, I did ok. I always thought I would fall apart, but in fact I did just the opposite. I did what the doctor told me to do and fought and beat the illnesses. For us with HA I think it's less about what we would do if we were to become seriously ill, and more about worrying about the unknown. I think it comes down to wanting to have control over something we have no control over. Now how we get over that, I don't know. I'm freaking out today that I have some horrible cancer but I am too afraid to go to the doctor to find out. It's making me sicker with each day, yet I can't seem to break this vicious circle. Coming here to this forum helps a lot, to see others go through this same thing. Some days I think I am losing my mind and there is no way anyone else can relate, but when I visit here I see there others just like me.

I guess my best advice is to go to the doctor, tell her/him how scared you are, and ask for a thorough check-up. easy for me to tell you to do this when I won't do it myself, but I know this is the best advice I could give either of us. Peace of mind comes with knowledge for those of us with HA. When we keep ourselves in limbo we just prolong the anxiety. Hugs and best wishes for a better tomorrow.

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Blondie

Thanks so much for your reply

I am sorry about your troubles it really is a horrible cycle to be stuck in ��

I often tell myself if I had a full head to toe check up I would feel better but I am so scared I am well overdue a smear test because I am so scared my sister keeps tagging me in things on Facebook about smear tests and people with cancer who wishes they had gone and had one it really doesn't help me ��

I take comfort from what the doc says and then second guess him within a hour I feel so stupid and ridiculous it's hard to find people who understand and for that I agree this forum is a god send

I am constantly thinking of being ill getting ill being told I'm ill even other people being ill if some one tells me a friend of theirs is in hospital because they are ill I can't stop thinking about them for days

Such a sad life ��

[blondie47]

I do that same thing. If I hear someone has cancer, I automatically feel like it's a "sign" that I have cancer too.

When I write it out, it helps me to see how ridiculous it is.

I think we with HA probably have some form of OCD. I have not explored that with a psychiatrist, but I probably should.

Just try to hang in there hon. As you probably know with HA, there are good days and bad days. Just try to hang in there until the good days start outnumbering the bad.

[ScaredCaz]

Really struggling today the WHOLE of my back aches if I bend forward or arch my back I can feel the muscles pulling I have a constant inner vibration in and around my chest and stomach I can feel bubbling in my tummy as I write this sometimes my arms go cold my face feels hot bottom lip feels numb sometimes my chin feels weird so tired just so had enough of all this does anyone have what I have? I am already thinking about going back doctors on Monday that will be 3 times in a week can anyone help me :-(