feel kind of empty

[Alice1]

Hi guys,

My names Alice and I just turned 20.

I often panic about pains and symptoms I get and often think I am dying from a disease or ailment multiple times a day. This has happened for the past year and a half.

Before the panic started (and before university) I often felt very very low, since I was 16. I went through phases of not eating and also contemplating and researching methods of trying to kill myself. I don't think I ever was really going to do anything though and it was just exaggerated teenage angst.

Now I'm in a weird scenario where I feel a bit like I did all those years ago (more strongly than over the past two years) but also with this anxiety on top. I really don't know what to do because it is almost as though I don't want to feel better. I feel like I know so little about the world and myself and yet can't seem to get over myself and push past the simple (and wrong) thought of 'what is the point'. Life seems to not be for me yet I don't want to die either and it makes me feel so empty.

I feel like I have no right to feel even a fraction of what I'm feeling when I clearly have nothing to complain about but I don't know what to do.
Any advice?

[sial72]

Hi Alice
Have you ever had any therapy at all to help you? Xx

[Alice1]

Hi,

I did go for anxiety for 3 weeks. However it was my university counselling service and she told me that there isn't much more she can do for me and directed me to a paid for service. I tried to set this up but limited funds and a 3 month waiting list for an initial screening app made me give up.

I really don't want to talk to me doctor about this which is why I'm a bit stuck. And part of me also feels like I shouldn't be wasting the time of these people.

[emily67]

Hi guys,

My names Alice and I just turned 20.

I often panic about pains and symptoms I get and often think I am dying from a disease or ailment multiple times a day. This has happened for the past year and a half.

Before the panic started (and before university) I often felt very very low, since I was 16. I went through phases of not eating and also contemplating and researching methods of trying to kill myself. I don't think I ever was really going to do anything though and it was just exaggerated teenage angst.

Now I'm in a weird scenario where I feel a bit like I did all those years ago (more strongly than over the past two years) but also with this anxiety on top. I really don't know what to do because it is almost as though I don't want to feel better. I feel like I know so little about the world and myself and yet can't seem to get over myself and push past the simple (and wrong) thought of 'what is the point'. Life seems to not be for me yet I don't want to die either and it makes me feel so empty.

I feel like I have no right to feel even a fraction of what I'm feeling when I clearly have nothing to complain about but I don't know what to do.
Any advice?

alice,

their is so much you mentioned in your message i can relate too

i'm 25, suffer with agoraphobia/ social phobia and bipolar disorder, and like you i feel like i know very little about the world. very little.

what it's like to graduate school, what it's like to be with someone, what it's like to have fun... my life certainly hasn't been easy.

i knew how very little i knew about life when the news was broken to me.. that cows milk actually came from a cow. really. that's how little i know about stuff, and it may seem a pointless fact to know (who really cares where cows milk comes from?). but i felt about 2... being fed the information.. you know cows milk, well, i really hate to tell you... it comes from a cow

anyway, i digress. the point i'm trying to make is i know very little about the world around me and what's on offer (it never helped that my family deserted me first chance they got)

i've been/ still am, suicidal, and have tried to kill myself. i'm also a cutter, and have been for years.

as for getting better, well.. i can certainly see both sides to the argument.

no one wants to feel like this all their lives- they want to enjoy life and live the best they can

but if you're like me and have no goals/ aspirations/ dreams, what do you do?

i could get up tomorrow feeling 100 percent mental health free and i wouldn't know what to do with myself. where to start, what to do, which directions i wanted to take... it would all be such a mystery to me- and in that respect, i'm not sure i'd want to get better either- and i think it's ashame. when i'm asked.. so where do you see yourself in 10 years time, my answer is either.. well i'm not sure, or 10 feet underground- it's sad, but it's true

another big issue for me is contentment. i've never been content with the life i lead, or any asspects of it- and if you can't be content with your own life, then where does that leave you. you can't stand apreciating the world and people in it when you can't even apreciate yourself and the life you're living

here for you x

[f0rest]

Hi alice from 16 i have been suffering from anxiety i am now 20 and feel the exact same way exhausted empty and have these horrible thoughts that something bad is going to happen and to top it off it's hard to explain to people that you are suffering with health anxiety in the fear that they think you are crazy which makes me more depressed, sorry i can't write something that will help you but i just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this and there is alot of wonderful people that will help you through this rough time.