4 weeks back on Citalopram. Would sincerely appreciate any input

[LexiconDevil]

Hey everyone! Never wanted to be back viewing these types of forums again but here I am haha . I've been lurking these forums for a few weeks now (first time in years), reading through all sorts of threads, new and old. I just wanna say how much I appreciate every single one of you on here sharing your stories and comforting each other.

Anyways, I suffer from OCD/anxiety (obsessive thoughts) the subject of it doesn't really matter as I guess it's all just OCD when it comes down to it. In the past I have found medication to be a total life saver. Talk therapy/CBT really did nothing for me. Unfortunately I'm the type of person who feels guilty/weak for taking medication so whenever I feel like I've recovered completely I stop taking my medication (stupid I know). Was on Zoloft a few years ago but quit and my doc suggested switching to Citalopram. After finding the right dose at 40mg it worked perfectly and I recovered completely. Don't remember exactly how long but eventually I felt 99.9% back to normal. Obsessive thoughts basically vanished or seemed so ridiculous that I could ignore them. I stayed on Cit for about a year and a half before I came up with the genius idea to quit taking it. I guess I'm kinda the odd man out cause I experienced practically zero withdrawal symptoms quitting cold turkey. I was fine for 3 months before I started to feel my anxiety/OCD slowly creeping back so I decided to go back on Cit before things spiraled too far out of control.

I've been back on Citalopram for about 4 weeks at 40mg. I guess I had forgotten what starting an SSRI was like because I just started back on the full 40mg dose right away. As you can imagine the side effects were awful. This is what I experienced for about the first 2 and a half weeks.

• huge increase in anxiety/obsessive thoughts
• sweating constantly. dripping off my hair and everything
• complete loss of appetite (lost at least 10 pounds)
• insomnia
  
• waking up in the middle of night in a full blown panic
• unable to fall back asleep
  
• zero sex drive
• foggy dream like state, possibly because of the anxiety

Anyways, at about the 2 and a half week mark I suddenly felt like I could completely accept the OCD thoughts without freaking out as much. Almost like a switch had come on or something. Appetite improved and I could actually sleep at night again. I had a night last week where I was playing a video game and suddenly stopped and realized "Oh man, I haven't even been thinking about my OCD for at least an hour or two". That's a huge improvement over obsessing about something every single minute of the day. Things seemed to be improving at a steady pace with the rare surge of anxiety here and there.

However, these last few days I've felt like I've taken about 10 steps backwards. OCD/anxiety is back pretty strong. Appetite is still there and I'm still able to sleep relatively well but its just absolutely crushing to feel like I was crawling my way out of this hole again only to slip back in. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks back on the Cit and I'm just wondering what is going on. I felt like I had made so much progress and now I feel pretty awful. I've heard the term "blip" used on these forums quite a bit and I'm hoping that's what this is. Anybody have any input? It's gotta be a good sign that I had some pretty good days just a week ago, right? Should I keep taking the Cit or should I move on to something else?

Thank you in advance to anybody who takes the time to read/respond to this long winded post. I'm just looking forward to getting my life back.

[mark84]

Don't move on, stick with it another 3 weeks, I suspect you'll find over that time that you have more and more good days and less and less bad days

[LexiconDevil]

I appreciate it Mark. Does this sound like a "blip" to you?

[mark84]

Yeah, I think everyone gets mixed effects at first, sounds pretty normal so far to me, don't worry about it unless it's still the same in a few weeks, odds are most days will be good days by then

[LexiconDevil]

Awesome, I hope you're right. Today started off rough but around lunch time I seemed to start feeling a lot less anxious and my mind seemed to calm down. I was actually excited to get off work and hang out with one of my friends. Hopefully that means this blip is starting to pass.

[mark84]

That was one of the first things I noticed, excitement without a whole lot of anxiety

[MyNameIsTerry]

Your doctor started back on the maximum dosage which is very unusual and bound to make onset side effects far worse.

In the first 4-6 weeks SSRI's are filling the space with more serotonin but after this point they have started reducing the number of receptor sites so you waste less too. So, you need to judge them over a longer period of time in terms of them working. Switching early normally comes in if you can't tolerate them but I think I would be concerned about a doctor that puts people on maximums when he/she should taper up because other meds could have different side effects and outcomes.

[LexiconDevil]

Let me clarify, I made the decision to go back on at 40mg. I don't even remember the last time I saw my doc. She has no idea I ever quit taking my medication. Whenever I quit my meds in the past she always chastised me (rightfully so) and makes me feel even worse about myself and I haven't wanted to deal with that. I still have about 30 pills left in my bottle and still have another 90 day refill left. I'm set on the Cit for a while.

[MissyMischief]

Hi LexiconDevil,

I'm struggling right now to find the right med myself. I was really resistant to trying meds because, like you, I felt guilty and weak for not being able to break out of this mind-maze myself. However, I've completely changed my tune now. I would absolutely LOVE to find a medication that works for me. There is no shame in it. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you are struggling and seeking help.

I bet this med will work for you since it worked before. Try not to lose hope. Maybe talk to your doctor, too, since she should be able to reassure you or adjust your dose.

Also, on a funny note, I never heard the term "blip" referring to setbacks until I joined this forum. I'm glad I'm not the only one, lol. I'm assuming it's a British thing, am I right?

[AI]

Hi as you have seen from my thread (thanks for your reply) I,ve been on 20mg for 3 and a half weeks (3 weeks tapering up before that) I've just started getting some good moments, usually in the afternoons/evenings. However the morning are still awful. I'm hoping that the good times get longer and eventually the morning panic will go. As horrible as it is I'm prepared to stick it out for longer as the thought of coming off cit and starting a new med fills me with horror. Hope you start feeling better soon. Sarah x