Health anxiety and general anxiety at all time high :(

[Movielife]

Hi all

I've posted on here before. Back in late August 2015, I was signed off from work, due to high levels of anxiety.

Current symptoms before I start:

- CONSTANTLY on edge, like the feeling before an important test. This leads to goosebumps and shivering, and my stomach and digestion feels out of sync.

- Dizziness - This has come and gone for 2.5-3 years now. It's not serious, more of an upsetting swaying if I am tired or anxious. Sometimes I don't even know it is there.

- Pins and Needles when I'm asleep. This started mainly when Propranolol was prescribed. I had very minor pins and needles for a week in July but the GP said it was anxiety. That went and hasn't come back. This what I have now is different; my feet feel cold and my hands go partially numb when I'm asleep. Propranolol is lowering my blood pressure a lot (it is already low and one GP didn't want me on 80mg slow release propranolol, but current GP is happy for me to be on it) and I feel it affecting my chest and my hands/feet all the time. This has all come on mainly over the past 6 - 8 weeks of being on propranolol.

- Tearfulness. This happens a lot. I am so upset this is happening to me and the person I have become. If I look back to say March, I was nothing like this. I just had the dizziness.

- Tiredness/aches - This only started on Propranolol. Never had it before. It isn't chronic it is just upsetting.

About me?

I've always been anxious, but moving house and cities twice in 3 months in 2015 finished me off. I also had new jobs etc. Also, I had other health issues which exacerbated my worry. I was also travelling incredibly far for work and not getting time to switch off.

I eventually quit that role, worked in another more relaxing (but longer hours) role and then I've recently had the first two week holiday I've been able to take in TEN years.

I'm 34 - I see everyone taking 3 -4 weeks a year off to exotic locations, etc. This was my first holiday away.

Everything was going well in Sept 2015, new temp role, new permanent role lined up, holiday about to start. I was prescribed propranolol which made me feel pretty awful at first, but it got better mid Sept. I felt better about myself. I could see the light and my physical symptoms DID become MUCH better. Dizziness almost stopped.

Anyway, late Sept, the propranolol seemed to be making things worse. I also went to a new specialist re: my ongoing 2 -3 years of light dizziness, and they changed their opinion of what was causing it. It's not Menieres disease, they think it is pain free migraines attacking my balance system.

So, better than Menieres? Yes, of course. My hearing is safe. BUT, and I knew this was coming, they want to run a routine MRI on my ear canal and probably my brain (scan sheet says auditory meatus which is mainly the ear to brain part).

The specialist isn't worried. He said it should have been done some time ago, no rush. He runs a few tests before I leave; basic nervous system checks and walking on the spot with eyes closed. All normal.

I panic and say what I've been worried about - MS. He says his opinion is no, it isn't MS.

Since that day, I've felt sick with worry. This is the be all and end all. I've sat an imagined how I would tell my parents I'm seriously ill, and how it would slowly affect me over the years.

Health anxiety has indeed completely infected me. I'm certain I am seriously ill.

Funny that before this all kicked off, all I had was mild dizziness. No weakness, no problems, nothing.

As others may say, I can't accept that the anxiety and propranolol is causing all of my physical problems. I'm convinced this is it for me and when the scan comes in, I'm in for bad news. I've imagined the specialised apologising and saying I do have a tumour/MS.

I honestly thought mid Sept I was ok, and fighting the anxiety. Now I'm possibly worse. I'm monitoring every part of my body and it is making me on edge 24/7.

I wake up hating what I have become. In the first two - three days of my recent trip abroad, I panicked in the morning, couldn't sleep and cried for a good 20 minutes about how bad I've become.

Thank god I have my partner, but my thoughts are now this:

- New job - I'll fail and get sacked. Anxiety will ruin it. No confidence.
- Partner - She will eventually leave me, especially if I am seriously ill.

I am calling the GP today. He is aware I am not happy with propranolol but thinks the MRI will make me feel better. He and a few other GP's think it is all anxiety based, and that basically I reached the threshold and stepped over it, thus triggering physical issues and almost a breakdown emotionally.

Any advice would be greatly received.

Thanks

[damianjmcgrath]

Interesting story, thanks for sharing. I have a lot of symptoms the same as you - the feeling of being on edge, inability to relax, dizziness, swaying feelings, tiredness and aches but I'm not on any medication at all. I don't worry about MS, I've put all those symptoms down to heart concerns.

I've been checked multiple times but no GP ever thinks there's a problem. They've done plenty of heart scans but they never think that any head or balance checks are needed. I have to trust their opinion.

I think it's worth reminding yourself that if you had a serious illness such as MS, a test would have shown it. If all your tests are fine, that's a great sign. It sounds like you haven't yet found the right medication to calm yourself down, and when the propanonol worked, it pretty much solved your problems. Again, that's a positive sign.

I have no real advice for you because I'm struggling myself. But I guess the usual anxiety tools such as CBT, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, thought records, yoga, chamomile tea etc could help. A big help will be to find the right medication which the GP should help with, and just accept that you had a bad time recently and the next few months should be easier.

[shanlynn1012]

Me too all time high, completely sucks. I hope you feel beter

[Movielife]

Interesting story, thanks for sharing. I have a lot of symptoms the same as you - the feeling of being on edge, inability to relax, dizziness, swaying feelings, tiredness and aches but I'm not on any medication at all. I don't worry about MS, I've put all those symptoms down to heart concerns.

I've been checked multiple times but no GP ever thinks there's a problem. They've done plenty of heart scans but they never think that any head or balance checks are needed. I have to trust their opinion.

I think it's worth reminding yourself that if you had a serious illness such as MS, a test would have shown it. If all your tests are fine, that's a great sign. It sounds like you haven't yet found the right medication to calm yourself down, and when the propanonol worked, it pretty much solved your problems. Again, that's a positive sign.

I have no real advice for you because I'm struggling myself. But I guess the usual anxiety tools such as CBT, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, thought records, yoga, chamomile tea etc could help. A big help will be to find the right medication which the GP should help with, and just accept that you had a bad time recently and the next few months should be easier.

Thanks. The basic tests and discussion with GP/specialist was fine. No one pointed to MS but I asked about it and they said no. But the specialist wants an MRI to check my ear canal, which will no doubt include part/full brain scan. So, as much as it may help my fears if it is ok, I still worry it WON'T be ok and I think that is why I feel so bad right now.

I've just had two weeks in Florida in intense heat, and whilst I had some symptoms, some days I didn't at all. My partner said I would struggle to do all the walking/driving and normal holiday things unaided if I had something seriously wrong. I hope she is right.

---------- Post added at 19:32 ---------- Previous post was at 19:29 ----------

Me too all time high, completely sucks. I hope you feel beter

Best of luck to you to.