Starting at very reduced dose

[MissyMischief]

Urusainaa-- that sucks about your car accident. Glad you are okay and that you handled it well.

I own a travel trailer and last night during the storm, a tree fell on it and basically crushed the back where the bed is. I actually handled it pretty well myself, and I'm feeling pretty pleased. Today's been a pretty good day all things considered.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I feel much better now. I'm on 15mg a day. I feel almost normal at times.

Yesterday though a car almost crashed into mine (joy riders) and I just kinda thought 'hmmph'...then it hit me, maybe buspar is really dulling my worry and panic. That's fine, but what happens when I come off it!?!

Thats great news! Thats a fair test as well.

No meds resolve anxiety, they give you breathing space and to recover you work on your issues so that when you do come off you have the ability to tackle your triggers on your own.

Marie - Buspirone is only licenced short term in the UK as it lacks evidence for long term use so a GP will switch to the typical routes i.e. SSRI's. Otherwise you need someone willing to stick their neck out and "off label" it like Carolin has with accessing a specialist. Do you get increases in anxiety from the norepinephrine element as some people seem not to have it?

[MissyMischief]

The last couple of days, I've been dealing with some more anxiety. Nothing terrible, but just annoying GAD stuff. It might just be circumstances beyond my control in my real life. Most likely.

[SADnomore]

Anxiety. Well, Terry, TBH, I think my most common s/e from the higher ven increases are head-buzzing, dizziness, brief transient nausea, and occasionally, muscle tonus or butterflies in the tummy. I can always separate these physical symptoms from "anxiety" per se, don't ask me how, but I can. I just remind myself that I am titrating upwards, and the way that the serotonin receptors work in response is what causes them. Makes sense, when you remember that most of the serotonin receptors are in the gut. After awhile, they pass. I usually let a month go by between titrations, and that way I get a couple of "good" weeks in before another dose change is needed. Last year I went up to 300 mg, in hopes of finding "happy". "Tense" came along instead. But, this was better than tearful despondency and agorophobia, which are the norm for me in January/February. I don't think "happy" will ever be part of my winter emotional repertoire; if it were, then I wouldn't have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since being on my anti-depressant, improvements include not succumbing to the low-level panic I normally get by October, and, not giving in to the desire to stay in all the time. I still want to run off or else cocoon, but with some work, I am able to get myself out and about. It doesn't always help, sometimes I feel better at home than I do when I am out amongst people, but I suppose it is healthier overall. Staying in gets to be a habit which is hard to break. I really do fear it could easily become agorophobia, you know?

I'm not even sure whether what I experience in between can be called GAD ... I find that I tend to fixate on things happening a certain way, and am like a dog with a bone until they do. Even when I realize what I am doing, and try to stop myself, I feel as though I cannot rest until these needs are met.

Is this GAD? I don't know.

There are certain people who can push my buttons and make me feel anxious by just showing up. One of these bullies me so it is just easier to avoid him. I have tried to work it out several times, but my trust has been broken once too often so I have accepted not going there again.

... Interesting. I just went away to a course and when a colleague and I were chatting about one of our bosses, who often refuses to answer a question or even to make conversation, a new colleague said, oh, that's a power thing. It is designed to make you feel uncomfortable! Wow. See, now, this I can identify as anxiety, that discomfort. This is when I may continue to talk, to try to get some sort of answer out of him. My mind races the whole time, and my stomach knots up. Well, if it's a power trip, then it certainly works against me, but it makes me want to work for him less and less as time goes on!

Hubby and I have a little vacay planned for after the holidays, maybe I will just go back to working for myself after that, lol!

Anyway, I guess that awareness is half the battle when it comes to anxiety: where is this coming from? Is it simply physical manifestations of the medication, my body telling my mind I must be anxious since my muscles are tense? Can I allow myself to walk away and do something else when someone refuses to engage with me, and can I do that after a few attempts and not fret about it?

I like that bit about considering how "circumstances beyond my control" are often the case, Genoire!

[MissyMischief]

Well, I've had some good days anxiety-wise. I've been able to do a bunch of shopping in stores with minimal anxiety, whereas a few weeks ago, I would have been super lightheaded/anxious. Now, I'm just dealing with general depression. I'm sure it's partially the weather (it's been raining for nearly three weeks straight), and partially hormones (day 3 of my cycle), but damn...motivation to do anything is low. I will probably try to get some chores done at least today.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes Marie, I know what you mean about how a sense of agoraphobia can develop. I've had to break this cycle myself as my healthy walking routines turned to obsession and then staying in for 3 months meant worrying about going out again. I don't have it now but it was certainly a problem and starting each of my 2 antidepressants has made me agoraphobic. I don't consider it true agoraphobia, more a further expression of my GAD, I don't think what I went through does justice to real agoraphobics.

GAD's more persistent worry and constant symptoms. Could it be more an obsseive-compulsive type of thing? You know how my med has affected me in that it greatly amplified some existing personality traits so could it do the same for you? Mine was very bad, completely controlling my life and I'm not suggesting the same but I only had this when I hit the epinephrine threshold of this med and I wondered if you felt similiar and it sounds like you do. I wonder whether some of us are just not suited to epinephrine stimulating meds which is no issue for me but a shame for you as the Ven seems to help greatly. Maybe it will settle down in time?

When I was looking into the threshold issue, these SNRI's seemed to almost max out on Serotonin at the point they start to work with epinephrine.

Bullies aren't worth any time or effort, Marie. I'm glad you don't waste your time on this person. With bullies they will soon change with you if you prove you are not an easy target and then they will look for someone else and can even become a bit subserviant to you (they are basically cowards so will easily follow someone more "alpha" than they are).

Yes, it could be a power trip thing with your boss. It could also just be plain old fashioned arrogance. Some people get a leg up and see themselves as "superior" because of it. It can be an early mistake of a new manager as it will just cost you all support, like he has lost from you. Some people just get carried away with it all and lick up to their boss and not concentrate their energies on the more important resource - their staff!

I've been a manager myself in a demanding environment working with managers of all levels. I could do it fine but there were a couple of people who always seemed to get to me. It was like they stripped my armour off despite the fact I could take their boss on no problem.

It must be difficult to adjust to working for someone else when you have been your own boss. I think I would prefer to be my own, I'm sick of big corporate and all the red tape thesedays.

[SADnomore]

Hello, Genoire, Urusainaa, Carolin, Terry, et al!

How is everyone doing today? Congratulations Genoire on the successful shopping! I am just doing gift cards this year, purchasing over the weekend and express posting on Monday. Still, I am dreading that much! In my case though, I think it may be just plain old impatience, lol!

Thanks for the heads up Carolin, I hadn't even thought about restrictions on how long a certain drug is approved for taking, nor any differences from country to country ... And too, doctors can differ in their prescribing practices, especially from one patient to the next. Not to mention a person's personal preference in dealing with their symptoms. My apologies, Urusainaa!

(It has occurred to me that it is none of my business to even ask folks why they would choose to come off a drug that is helping, don't worry, all! I just see cases where the posters doctor seems to encourage them to come off meds and I read how they end up relapsing and having such a hard time until reinstating them. Sometimes over and over again, and I could see that being me, if it hadn't been clear to me this wasn't going away.)

Yes, the dog-with-a-bone thing may be a personality defect (?) Terry. Believe me, I don't like it myself. It's just I thought it sort of smacks of anxiety. I tend to fret until it's resolved, but it is never about health matters. Things like having promises made good on, or deadlines/rules etc. confirmed and/or completed. Or having things in place that may be needed later on. The bully calls me a control freak. Maybe I am, but only part of the time (???) IF this is GAD, then it is definitely something that I hope can be helped with the medications.

I was struggling with a downturn in mood again and then got passed over at work for the second position available for the 3 of us who took the training. In addition, there hasn't been a launch of the services that I can do, at our location, so I am out of a job. On the one hand, I am very disappointed. On the other hand, I am glad to not be in the same workplace as the aforementioned boss. I have never been very good with office politics. I do better with independent work, when I both enjoy what I am doing and am given great feedback from clients. Back to considering self-employment ...

So, wanting to alleviate the depression, I have forged ahead with the increase to 150 of ven. I am still hopeful it will keep getting me through the worst of the winter, and at a lower dose than last year. I doubled the trazodone to 100mg at night, and found I felt much better next day, cheerful, even! Could be a coincidence, but time will tell! I am hoping that the "threshold" dose of 150 will be just enough to alleviate the depression, along with 50-100 trazodone. Added bonus of better sleep. I would like to try the buspirone, but I know I will need to give these at least a month. My doc gets fidgety about more than two meds on the go at once, so I will have to convince him I have assimilated these two first.

Oh, and I found a SAD lamp when I was away!! It is a gooseneck style for beside the bed, with the built-in clock, and mimics sunrise and sunset. A bit complex to set up, wish me luck, lol! SOOOO tired here, especially when it is dark outside (as in, prior to 10 am and after 3:30-4pm) UGH! I fall asleep in my chair after dinner each night, just like an 80-year-old Sometimes in the afternoon, too, argh!

Good luck to you with the depression now, Genoire. Hope the light works some more magic for you soon! Urusainaa, how is it going, honey? Have the flashes of calm gotten any longer? (Hope, hope!)
Marie xx

[Fishmanpa]

Buspar is the "Chill Pill" I was prescibed for "scanxiety". My GP said I can start and stop without ill effects. I've used it a few times and have had positive results.

I noticed a pattern concerning my "scanxiety". A few weeks prior to my appointments and the "scope, poke and prod", I find myself edgy and irritable which is understandable considering what's at stake. The times I started the Buspar (7.5mg 1x a day for a week, then 2x a day), I found it really took the edge off. Stopping cold turkey after the all clear has not been an issue and I've not experienced any side effects.

I'm just glad it works and will not hesitate to use it if needed.

Positive thoughts

[SADnomore]

Thanks, FMP,

I wonder whether if I started the Buspar like that, then I could then just use it for "bad days"? You know, this is how Trazodone was recommended to be taken, to me. Take it every day for a couple of weeks, and then feel free to stop taking it, and because it had "been established", I could just take it occasionally and be able to rely on its working and not feel the need to take it next day etc.

Sure enough, that is exactly how it has worked. Which is pretty cool. If it is the same with buspirone, then I guess it can't hurt to try it? I don't get irritable, really. I'm not upset or angry, just increasingly focused on a matter, and really persistent about it. If I can take care of the whole thing myself then I do, but when I need someone else's permission/assistance, then I can't seem to stop myself from taking them "hostage" practically, to do that on my behalf. ASAP. Which can be irritating for them after awhile I'm sure. I am aware the whole time that it may be to the point of nagging, but I can't seem to stop. Ugh. The joys of OCD ...

[MissyMischief]

Hi everyone!

SADnomore--Sorry to hear about your office drama. I say go for self-employment if you can, lol.

I'm glad you got a nice light. I bet it will help you a lot! I don't think I could stand the super short days that you are having, honestly. We had our first sunny day here yesterday, and it cheered me up so much...I went for jog! Right now, I'm sitting in front of my light box starting my day, but feeling super lazy. I'm so excited about the solstice on Tuesday!

I had to laugh about you falling asleep in your chair. The cold/wet/dark really makes me feel like it's time to hibernate, too.

Well, I'm doing pretty okay. Some flare ups of anxiety, but I've been handling them pretty well. My depression is on and off, but gets better if I can work through it and be productive. I've been on buspar for something like 6 weeks now, I think, and tonight is dose 17 of Prozac.

Hugs to all! Take care everyone!