I think I have now officially read through every single post on here on endoscopies.

And I don’t feel even remotely better.

I have my endoscopy on 21st of this month and I am genuinely the most terrified I have ever been about anything.

I’ve never had any kind of invasive test before so this is honestly making me tremble I’m that scared.

My reflux is HORRENDOUS and it really is affecting my life and my wellbeing so I KNOW that I need to have it looked into.

But I can’t tell you how close I am to cancelling. I really don’t think I can go through with it.

I hate hospitals and any kind of tests. Any time I’ve had to go for further investigations I freak out.

I had to go for lung function tests in September – had a ridiculous panic attack in the hospital and felt like I was dying the whole time – floods of tears with the nurses creating a massive scene – and that was just blowing into a mouthpiece!!!!!!

I was the same over the last ultrasound I had too.

The risks are playing on my mind, the mouth numbing thing that I’m terrified will make me feel like my throat is closing up.

I can even picture me on the day already I will be a mess – and I can’t wriggle around and freak out because I’ll have a tube shoved down me.

I won’t do sedation – I hate feeling out of control it’s one of my major anxieties – I can’t even cope with having a glass of wine! Alcohol is an absolute no for me these days.

I’ve worked myself up into a state