If you are suffering please read
I haven't been on here in a long long time, its been nearly 2 years since I was on this site every single day! I stumbled across some of my old posts recently and reading them made me remember how much this site helped me become me again. So, because of that I thought I'd post a quick update on how I am doing and hopefully give help and hope to other people.
My anxiety, depression and OCD began at a young age. I was diagnosed with OCD at around 13, with symptoms of anxiety and depression. These symptoms got worse and worse as I grew older, manifesting in my University years. To put it shortly, I was agraphobic, I couldn't move, eat at a dinner table, brush my teeth- anything. I was in constant panic, obsessing over every little thing my body did and what I now know was the nasty, nasty physical and mental symptoms of anxiety! Re-reading my old posts made me realise how bad I actually was- if you want to see the real success of this story, read those!
I received counselling for a short while 2 years ago and this helped me a lot. The counsellor was very good but unfortunately it just wasn't enough for me at the time. That's not to say that the counselling hasn't helped, I still reflect on how useful those times with my counsellor were and how much worse I would have been if I hadn't have gone!
I guess the real difference for me was starting sertraline (50mg). I have now been on this for a year and a half. I was terrified of starting- I put it off for nearly a year and only used this as a last resort. It took a while to kick in but the effects were amazing.
I am writing this sat in my new flat in Barcelona. I moved here in September to do a Masters degree- and you know what, (touch wood) I haven't had a single panic attack. I am me. I am no longer anxiety ridden me. I have gone from not being able to get out of bed to living in another country, where I unfortunately do not speak the language, doing a masters degree with all new people. If I was to tell myself this 2 years ago there is no way I would have believed it. I can leave the house without panic, I can do things that "normal" people do, and perhaps even have more confidence than "normal" people now.
That's not to say that the journey wasn't difficult. Anxiety is a horrible illness and the journey to recovery was never going to be easy. However, always remember it is possible and can happen. You can go back to being you. I know I'm always going to have the anxious thoughts, the OCD habits. I guess that is just part of me. What's difference is they no longer control me. I no longer define my self by my mental illness. I am living life and enjoying it. Never give up hope and always remember time is only temporary, things pass and things do get better.
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