Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I've posted on here. I have suffered with anxiety, OCD and then subsequent depression when it's gotton too much. I have been on medication for 2 years and have been doing realy well with only afew blips here and there.
Anyway! I am finding myself back in that place again, were I wake up everyday paralysed with the fear of the day ahead, constant negative thoughts and feeling like I have fog in my brain.
I have always been terribly afraid of depression ( it's my biggest subject of OCD) do feeling this was always terrifies me. I truly find everyday hard to get through and I can't wait to go to bed so I can get some restbite.
I have been back to my doctors and am waiting for CBT and have upped my medication. However I don't feel any better.
Last week I began to accept the fact that I was depressed and told myself it was ok to lay on the couch for the day or to cry for hours and not worry about going to work, to just take it easy and accept it will pass with time. I felt abit relieved and it felt at times abit easier to deal with.
However yesterday I didn't go to work, something I have never done coz I always worried I was giving into depression and that would make it worse. For the first few hours of the day I felt ok, wanted to go to the shops etc but then as the day went on I felt guilty I didn't go to work and since early afternoon yesterday I have been in turmoil. I am so scared by giving in and accepting in depressed and being ok with it that I am going to sink deeper and deeper and never get better.
I just don't know what to do for the best.