Hi everyone. I have not posted on here in a few years, which means I have been managing my anxieties fairly well. However, they have built up over the years and have culminated in the last two days of absolute terror and panic that doesn't seem to be ending any time soon.
I have had general anxiety ever since I was a child (lying in bed every night worrying about anything and everything you can image), and as I got older it manifested in various ways (scared of standing up to people, worried about getting cancer, etc.). I have also over the last few years developed a severe anxiety about flying (my last flight was a complete disaster and I had to drink myself into a drunken stupor in order to not make the pilot turn around and go back!!!). Lately I worry daily about any little ache or pain in my body, whether I will die in my sleep, or whether the car/train/bus I am in will crash or have a bomb on it. Well, the terrorism attacks in Paris (and all around the world) have now put me at a new level. It has triggered deep seeded existential anxieties and I just cannot handle it. (I replied to a few of the other terrorism related threads). I spend 2 days on and off in tears, weeping uncontrollably because I just couldn't get my head around why we are here and what is the point of life. Everything is just so sad.
Yesterday I went to the doctor and got some meds. They are helping somewhat, but I just can't stop my brain from thinking so much. I feel like it is slowly killing me. Ugh. I get teeny tiny glimpses of hope, but then all the panicky feelings come rushing back and take over. I can't talk with my boyfriend because it triggers his own depression, so I feel very alone and scared. Beyond scared...terrified.
Tomorrow I will go see a therapist, so my fingers are crossed that she will give me some hope. I just can't go on living like this. It really is horrible.