Intense couple of days...will it end?

[freshy666]

Hi everyone. I have not posted on here in a few years, which means I have been managing my anxieties fairly well. However, they have built up over the years and have culminated in the last two days of absolute terror and panic that doesn't seem to be ending any time soon.

I have had general anxiety ever since I was a child (lying in bed every night worrying about anything and everything you can image), and as I got older it manifested in various ways (scared of standing up to people, worried about getting cancer, etc.). I have also over the last few years developed a severe anxiety about flying (my last flight was a complete disaster and I had to drink myself into a drunken stupor in order to not make the pilot turn around and go back!!!). Lately I worry daily about any little ache or pain in my body, whether I will die in my sleep, or whether the car/train/bus I am in will crash or have a bomb on it. Well, the terrorism attacks in Paris (and all around the world) have now put me at a new level. It has triggered deep seeded existential anxieties and I just cannot handle it. (I replied to a few of the other terrorism related threads). I spend 2 days on and off in tears, weeping uncontrollably because I just couldn't get my head around why we are here and what is the point of life. Everything is just so sad.

Yesterday I went to the doctor and got some meds. They are helping somewhat, but I just can't stop my brain from thinking so much. I feel like it is slowly killing me. Ugh. I get teeny tiny glimpses of hope, but then all the panicky feelings come rushing back and take over. I can't talk with my boyfriend because it triggers his own depression, so I feel very alone and scared. Beyond scared...terrified.

Tomorrow I will go see a therapist, so my fingers are crossed that she will give me some hope. I just can't go on living like this. It really is horrible.

[kellie39]

im struggling with this at the min, im finding it hard to get the brain to stop being in overdrive and im worrying about every ache and pain.
its like a horrible circle that i cant seem to break.

hopefully your tablets and therapy will help to calm you
xx

[Oosh]

I watched a programme once that showed the brains of neurotic people and where the blood flow went and it showed that people who managed their neurotic nervous systems better were people who were able to self soothe and calm themselves down.

You sound at the mercy of these ideas. Can't you ever come up with counter ideas that let you see the situation in a way that leaves you feeling that "it will be ok" ? They're the thoughts that keep me going. Without them they're sort of like neverending worries, always there day after day taking their toll on your body.

Use your imagination, explore a little bit and look for ideas that calm these anxieties you have or accept that you simply can't know some things so focusing on them is detrimental to your mood and to focus on more enjoyable ideas would be a wiser thing to do in that moment.

If you're lost on certain subjects then you're the same as the rest of us which makes you "the same" which is another reassuring idea. At least you're not lost on your own

[freshy666]

Thanks for the advice. I have written to friends who also suffer from extreme anxiety, and they have given advice as well. It is just soooooooo difficult in those dark moments to grab on to anything. And even if I try to think something positive, my brain counters with 'but something bad could still happen, so what's the point?'. It really is a viscous cycle and terrifying disorder. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Ever!

But yes, in the end I do feel some comfort in knowing I am not alone in these feelings. Thank you (even though I wish you all didn't have to go through it too!).

[girl20]

I feel the same way as you do , and I've also experienced the same fears that you list here (cancer, dying in a car crash, fear of flying...many more to list). Although, I do not have a solution to offer, I just find it incredible that a lot of us can have so many of the same fears!!! It's almost even funny! and it makes me feel better!

[freshy666]

Thanks, there is somewhat relief knowing others understand ;-)