I'm a paranoid person

[laurenmk]

I was always afraid of admitting that, for fear that would mean I was a paranoid schizophrenic. But I know now I can admit it without it meaning that. It's all related, I suppose, in that HA and OCD and all of it is about feeling unsafe. I see the world as threatening and scary, and that includes people. It's tough, because it means the fear and anxiety is coming at me from all angles.

Tonight I was just sitting around surfing the internet, when I thought I heard the doorbell ring (I live in an apartment). I went and opened the door but no one was there. I peeked my head into the hallways with a, "Hello?" but no one was there. It's a very small hallway, with only three apartments per floor. I told myself I had just imagined it and it was perhaps a sound from the video I was watching online. About a half hour later, the doorbell rang again, and there was no mistaking it this time. I went to the door and again nothing. No one. My door is closest to the elevator and stairwell, so I started thinking, "What if it's some kids ringing the bell and sneaking into the stairwell?" But I've lived here 7 months and NEVER seen a kid in the building. That's when the paranoia started really kicking in with imagined scenarios involving people sneaking into the building and sordid intentions.

Then I thought, "Ok, let's not feed into the paranoia. It could be the electrical system of the doorbell going a bit wonky. Remember how it just stopped working awhile back and they had to come change out a circuit board?" The thing is that this explanation doesn't help me at all, because it just taps into a different part of my anxiety. This part worries about a short causing a fire, and my place going up in flames.

I wish there was a respite somewhere, but I can't find it.

[Lifelonganxiety!]

Sure it's not your neighbours doorbell and you just have good hearing?

[laurenmk]

I wish, but definitely not. There are speakers around the apartment that carry the sound. Like I said, I may have imagined the first time, but the second time was unmistakable.

[MyNameIsTerry]

There are many threads like this on NMP as fear of schizophrenia is a form of OCD and people have thought they were becoming one:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=174792

I suggest you have a read and see how someone else with OCD was having similiar concerns. I pasted in a few other threads about it too.

Something I remember reading in a NHS leaflet about all this was how if you think you are losing your mind, you probably aren't, because people who do experience such episodes rarely notice it in themselves and it is others that do and help them.

But what if some kids did sneak in and play with some doorbells? Does it really matter?

The fight or flight response is all about finding any possible threat and coming up with a solution hence many of us, me included, have been through spells of paranoia. It's interesting that they treat it with CBT, the same as anxiety disorders.

Reducing your overall anxiety levels will help greatly with paranoia as I found it was more when I was at my worst.

Were you tired when this happened? Could you have been dozing off? If so, there could be an explanation as auditory hallucinations (and loads of other phenomena) have been recorded when moving into and out of sleep states.

Did you notice how when you decided on schizophrenia, you chose the paranoid kind? There are 8 types of schizophrenia but whats the one we always hear the worst about in the media? It's those rare violent cases of paranoid schizophrenics and if you read about that on medical websites they will state it is more because of substance abuse that those events happen. Do we even know the other 7? Maybe, maybe not, but as a HA sufferer I would expect you to choose the ones you see as more serious.