Hello everyone, my name is Paul a 44 year old male and a father of 4 beautiful children and with a loving supporting caring wife.
So what could possible be the problem? A lifetime of OCD, anxiety. A lot of my anxiety was dealt with via my OCD which I know is a debilitating problem at times but it kept anxiety away to a point.
One day 4 years ago I experienced which I guess most of you here have, the most frightining experience in my life. A massive, huge, exploding panic attack! Never in my life have I ever felt such pain, anxiety loneliness and every possible frightining emotion you could possible experience in one go!
It made all the heart palpations, skipped beats, chest pains, dizziness, fearfulness, depression, sadness and inpending doom which I experienced my how life seem like a joke!
Never in my life would I have wished this experienced on my worst enemy, which I guess you all can relate too? Anyhow since that day I haven't lived and just existed in the land of the living, waiting for the next panic attack. Avoiding people, avoiding places, avoiding just the simplest of activities.
Today I live with my wonderful family, they watch the pain I go through and feel powerless to help as this ****ing illness is so debilitating!
I want to get better, I need too, I have too.... but it's so hard when you live in constant fear, your sensations feeling unreal, every silight itch or any slightest sensation to your body will set you off in a panic attack!
I was watching a programme the other day on people skydiving, I can't even make if too the front door! Talk about opposite sides of the spectrum.
I know what I have to do, I know my thoughts are irrational, and I know the feelings of impending doom is anxiety, I know I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I know all about midfulness and medication, I know about breathing. But it still don't stop me lying on the sofa writing this with a pulse meter on my finger measuring my pulse as I write!
44 year old male, father of 4 with anxiety.... Hello everybody and I'm so pleased to see we're not alone in this fight, but still don't make it better eh?
Paul
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