Intrusive thoughts changing

[jadedreams]

Today had my harm type intusive thoughts switch to animals and a bit to other people. I'm really freaked out, my intusive type thoughts had been lower this week and then they popped up this afternoon and are really bothering me. Feel like my heart is breaking as I would never hurt an animal or someone, anyone have anything that might help. please?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Jade,

Sorry to hear things are getting hard again.

Can you see a flaw in your thinking about this? You say you would never harm animals BUT you would never do what has been in your other thoughts either hence why they scare you in the first place. These are just the same but from speaking to fair few OCD sufferers on here now I've found that they become more accustomed (although still hate them) to their expected intrusive thoughts and when new ones pop up they catch them off guard so they react more strongly inline with how they did with the other ones earlier on.

With OCD whilst you are still frightened of them, you do get a bit used to them too and the shock value seems to drop in favour off a low mood style reaction. Thats what I found anyway and I know others on here who have seen their reaction reduce and turn more to depression than panic.

Something else I have observed a couple of times now is how someone with one form of anxiety disorder panics intensely when they develop another one. There are a couple of people I can think of (didn't I mention this one another of your threads as you talked about your previous HA issues?) who became accustomed to their HA fears but when they had harm based OCD it terrified them, and even worse than their HA had done previously (could that have been because they have forgotten the intensity of how it feels because of becoming accustomer to it?)

However, the issue is the same - it's anxiety. So, in learning to recovery from it we also need to learn how to tackle these new developments. It's something that gets easier as you advance through recovery because you have regained your mental strength.

I have seen a few of your threads recently and you have been under a lot of pressure so this could be causing some of this. Can you do anything to reduce that? Overall anxiety levels really do spike OCD so you can bring it down without tackling it head on.

I think you need to look at your harm based OCD prior to this and use it to rationalise these. They are essentially the same, something or someone and how it frightens you that it is a hint into your true character. It's not, it's just how intrusive thoughts work and you are the same caring person you were yesterday.

[jadedreams]

Thanks Terry, I really appreciate the reply. My anxiety has been higher the past couple months, I have had several things break which caused stress. Other than that, I'm not sure why it has been worse. I felt I saw improvement up through september then it seemed to get worse and I feel like I've been stuck. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or what. I would definitely like to see improvement though, I'm just not sure what to do.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Have you being getting a bit overwhelmed by these breakages due to the money involved or just the effort to sort them out? Maybe even the emotional impact things have when we are highly anxious?

If you find yourself looking at all of it as opposed to breaking it down into the individual steps, it can be too much. Break it down into boxes. Create a plan for each one, the whole then takes care of itself. It's easier and less overwhelming this way and you can feel better when you escape inertia which can trap you and make you feel helpless.

[jadedreams]

I think it has been all 3 honestly, money to fix, effort and emotionally right now any stress feels magnified by 10.

For the broken things I have taken care of the washer, dryer and the filling in my tooth. There is still a lot more work I need to do in general around the house, lots of unfinished projects and such. That is overwhelming me too, especially when I look at the whole picture.

Right now though, just the intrusive thoughts, general anxiety and depression are overwhelming me. Feels like I am getting hit with so much as once and I don't know which way to turn. I'm not sleeping well either and waking up in the mornings with anxiety/depression and dreading the day. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he wants to switch one med out. Problem is I called the pharmacy and the new med is pretty expensive so I'm not sure what to do there. I do see my counselor today and am going to talk about everything with her.

Physically I'm not feeling real great either, had a headache and feel dizzy. Not sure if it's just anxiety or from hitting my head this weekend. I was moving some stuff in the garage and had a handle crash down and hit me pretty hard. Not sure if I should run to doc to get it checked out or wait and see, with my past of health anxiety I don't want to go running to doc if not necessary.

Thanks Terry again for replying, it means a lot to have people to talk to who understand. I have a very supportive family but they haven't experience what I'm going through (and I'm glad they haven't) and have a hard time understanding.

[MyNameIsTerry]

As long as you aren't showing signs of concussion or passed out when you did it, you will be fine. It's normal to feel a bit odd after banging your head and with anxiety you focus on it more anyway.

If you are not sleeping properly it is bound to be making it worse.

It's definately worth getting your counsellor's opinion on this, maybe they can help to work through some strategies to get you through this difficult stage?

Are you doing any relaxation techniques, especially upon waking and before bedtime?

We all understand on here and we know how you can never truly understand how this feels unless you go through it. No one would try to understand what a broken ankle feels like from having twisted one so how could anyone translate their normal levels of anxiety and their mood issues into disorders? It's one of the big things about any form of illness, it brings people together to help each other through.

[jadedreams]

Thanks again Terry, I really do appreciate it.

My head is feeling better and I didn't pass out so I think I'm good. Physically at least, mentally well that is why I'm here!!!

Yeah, I feel tried all the time, I fall asleep ok and wake up a few times through the night, but what is really getting me is waking up too early. Then I can't fall back asleep and get into anxiety mode pretty fast. Before bed I try to read or watch a movie to relax - I'm usually at my calmest by the end of the day. Mornings I really need to do something different as I am still waking up and getting anxiety almost straight away and end up dreading the day. So I need to do something to relax me here and get me out of worry/anxiety mode. Not sure what that is yet.

I did talk to my counselor this week and she has given me homework which I am trying to do. Working on balanced thoughts to counteract irrational beliefs, letting intrusive thoughts just come in/go out without reacting. Treating them like clouds floating by or like leaves drifting in a stream. Other things too like focusing on positive things, like my diy projects or things I want to do in future. Things to put my thoughts in a good place instead of on the ocd/anxiety stuff.

And it is really good to have a place like this to come to with others who understand. Although I hate for others to be suffering too, but you're right we can help each other.