Hello

[Istherehope?]

Hi, I've been posting for a few days and really appreciated the advice I've received here.

So a quick intro - I'm a mother of three boys, work part time as a Carer and am a trainee counsellor and have a wonderful husband.

A couple of years ago after some difficult experiences in a church situation with a leader who displayed subtle bullying/narcissistic tendencies, I developed anxiety/post traumatic stress symptoms. I went onto Citalopram and after some difficult days with side effects, the meds helped and I felt fine. After 20 months I came off them, which was a bit daft because it was just before I moved house.

I think you know what happens next! Within a few weeks of moving house the anxiety was back, so I braced myself for going back on Citalopram. Unfortunately the side effects just escalated and after four weeks I was in a crisis house which was a really good alternative to hospitalisation.

Dr switched me straight to Mirtazapine about eight weeks ago, which was wonderful at first but then seemed to fade in effectiveness - so I'm now on day 3 of 45mg and desperately hoping for some improvement, as well as waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist.

So that's me....

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Istherehope? and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[uru]

Hi istherehope,

Sounds like you're having a really rough time of it. :(

How is the church situation now?

[Istherehope?]

Thanks Urusainaa,

We left the church just over a year ago now...it was hard to leave as we'd been part of it for over twenty years and we lost many close friends who thought we were causing trouble. We are now part of a nice small church (the other one grew to approx 700) but needless to say we are very cautious about getting too involved...I think I'm suffering the after effects of mild spiritual abuse as well as grieving the loss of relationships and trying to figure out my relationship with God in all this. Fun hey?!

Thanks for asking, how are you?

xx

[uru]

Suffering quite a bit at the mo. Last 2 hours have been OK though

[Istherehope?]

Sorry to hear you're suffering...glad last two hours been OK though. I tend to start feeling better as the day goes on...I hope the evening is kind to you.

[Doze]

Hi Is.

I was on paroxitine for several years and decided to come off it, only to end up regretting it. Then trying to go back on a AD messed me up completely.

I imagine plenty of others will have similar stories. Good to know we're not alone eh.

Hope things pick up for you soon. I read that some SSRIs mix well with Mirt and the Mirt lessens the impact of the start up period.

[Istherehope?]

Hi Doze, thanks, yes it is nice to know we're not alone.

Really hope you get some sleep tonight.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP ITH,

We've spoken already.

I had the same experience with Citalopram in that I came off it only to relapse 6 months later. I was good for a couple of months and then gradually I started to notice it coming back here & there. I didn't resolve my anxiety issues properly or even come to understand much about any of it as I relied on my GP for everything so I was ill prepared for the signs of relapse of what it would mean. It changed too with more obsessive thinking, low moods, etc. I had never had many low moods before, it was more anxiety.

I'm not religious, more agnostic but it strikes me that the reasoning to apply is that any manipulation came from a human being, not God, and it doesn't mean you can't continue on that path, in fact it would be shame if somebody tarnished this for you. I realise it's complicated in that you will have thoughts about why it was allowed to happen and I hope you can work around them to fully re-establish your beliefs, if you wish to.

Whilst I'm not religious, I would lieing if I said I hadn't come across people who have said similiar things to you about churches. Some people are just not nice people but like all areas of life, the many good people outweigh the minority of bad ones. Some people just join churches thesedays because they want to get married in one, something I find quite strange when they moan about having to get involved to justify being part of it all.

[Istherehope?]

Hi Terry, nice to see you here too

Your relapse sounds similar to mine, it's felt different and I've felt the low moods that I didn't get the first time round...

You talk a lot of sense and yes the manipulation was from humans not God. And yes I have questions around God allowing it... but then that is true for all suffering. I read an article which conceptualised trauma as something which breaks our trust in the world as we understood it. Recovery from trauma involved being able to rebuild trust. I think I'm in that process...it's good to hear you say that the many good people outweigh the bad ones

Thanks again Terry x