Hey, I have been going through depression lately and I have no clue if it is linked to my OCD, and I hate blaming OCD for everything bad thing that is happening up to this point.
The truth is I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, but I know I have it. Let's just say I started having the repetitive thoughts (or whatever they are called) when I was 14 or 15. It was hell, it made me cry and feel helpless. It took hours of my life especially before sleep. I lived in a country where there was no help for people with mental disorder and I didn't even know what to call it back then. Fortunately, I have learned how to cope and eventually overcame the repetitive thoughts I had.
I used to brag to people how I overcome this part of my life and that OCD is not that big of a deal. Until recently. I found out that many things that have been going on in my life were influenced by my OCD. I didn't know that it was more than repetitive thoughts, and now every time I remember something I find that it was there.
I have the tendency to feel responsible or think that I am responsible for many things that happen, and I feel over guilt. I have been going through a lot in the past number of months and I think I am too tired to keep my OCD at bay. Everything feels painful now. I feel alone and depressed. Even though I am surrounded by friends. I want to take time off but I have finals to study for and I have already finished two, and I am definitely not happy with how I preformed, and it is just adding up to that feeling bad pile.
I don't know why I have posted this...... But I just want to try anything.
Thank you if you have read this, it is quite long.
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