Ridiculous thoughts (newbie)

[sauly1991]

Hi all

First off this is my first post on this site, I occasionally browse this forum and others, never really interact. A bit of background history, I'm a 24yo male who has been suffering from PTSD for 8 years, and have had my fair share of panic attacks and episodes. Only recently has OCD become a problem.

Basically the thoughts started off as intrusive violent thoughts, mainly about my parents, these were obviously horrid at the time and through some hard work with my CBT therapist they are not as frequent as they used to be, infact they are rare.

Only recently I broke a watch which was of great sentimental value, and whilst I was getting ready to send it off for repair (glass had broken), panic and excessive thoughts started to creep in, I really didn't wanna part with the watch!! Ever since that happened, of course my anxiety levels have been somewhat high, and all of a sudden I start getting these really ridiculous and to an extent "pointless" thoughts and worries. I'll list some examples, some are crazy!:

-) I'm an amateur woodworker, I make things to sell on, recently made something for my uncle, really don't want to sell it, I want to keep it (1st time this has happened)

-) I'm a Liverpool fan, whilst that can make anyone anxious , I missed the 1st half of a game midweek. My thoughts were "I need them to start the game again, how can I do this? Would they do it"

-) My brother needed to borrow an external hard drive, was very reluctant to LEND him a SPARE one, "I need it" (clearly don't, it is spare, heck I don't even know where it is exactly!)

-) My other brother is going on holiday with his family next JUNE, didn't want them to go, "how can I stop them going"

-) (This one still causes me some trouble), I have lent lots of things to friends in the past, all of a sudden, I feel I need this stuff back, some of these friends I rarely, if ever, speak to anymore!

Whilst a lot of those thoughts seem bizarre, most of them I can look back and say "that's ridiculous, this is my friend OCD again", and sometimes in that moment I even think that....

The thing that really gets me is "am I the only one who gets these?" "is this normal for an anxiety/OCD sufferer" "am I going to keep having these thoughts?", a lot of predictive thinking, and whilst I am sure other people have these kind of weird and random thoughts, they to me don't feel as common as violent or sexual intrusive thoughts, so even though they aren't anywhere near malicious, the fear of lack of control and the fact they are so out there and wild and random can be very scary at times....

I hope all of that makes sense, I appreciate any replies or questions, we are all in this together!

Sauly

[viking111]

Thoughts can be literary anything that exists. They mainly focus on your fears and give you anxiety.
Try not to do compulsions, as they will really reinforce your anxiety.
I didn't believe that at first, but I had to learn it the hard way. If you do compulsions, in time they will get super strong causing you to panic and feel anxious, depressed.
You should try to avoid these thoughts, just let them be there, not pay them attention.

[TomT]

Sauly! First of all welcome here, your thoughts are completely normal I do not believe the thoughts itself you are having are weird in any way, people that doesn't have an anxiety disorder have the same thoughts as we do (Weird right?) The difference between them and us is that we question from where those thoughts came from and if they are strange in any way.

And no, you won't keep having them thats the beauty of OCD at some point if you work on it (meaning you start caring less and questioning less about them) they fade, may they come back? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But if they do come back you have experience with them already so it would be easier next time.

Lacking control over thoughts its pretty common, shit I just went to a rough patch myself this weekend but Im back on my feet and happy as ever, this means we all have our rainy days but the sun has always shone after a storm.

I will leave you my favourite quote, hope you like it.

"Let your thoughts come and go, but never invite them to have tea"

best of lucks and if you need to just express yourself you can do it here.

Tom.

[sauly1991]

Thank you both for the quick replies and comments!

Made me rest abit easier knowing that the style of the thoughts is normal, I think the illusion of the thoughts being so personal makes them come across as special and unique, and that translates in powerful and almost staggering!

Thank you for the pointers, in the past I would of dwelled on them long and hard, but like you both say, when you learn how to deal with them, and not fight them, it is reassuring.

P.S. That quote sums it up perfectly, I'll be making a note of that

Thank you again
Sauly

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Sauly,

There is nothing weird, bizarre or even unusual in your post. Perfectionism is a big part of OCD and it ties in with not wanting to lose something that you view is within those parameters because it may cease to be perfect once someone has it. It can also be that you feel you need to control where everything is even when they are meaningless things liek bits of paper (been there)

I always think trust is a big issue with OCD, more that you don't trust yourself with some subtypes but with others such as contamination it's more the other way.

I know with my obsessions I have had issues with things needing to be perfect or having to be done right now. OCD seems to also be a disorder of contradictions in that you end up worrying about it all, planning and then never doing.