Just thought I'd update my update (see This advice DOES work in Success Stories)
For you oldies out there (and by that I mean those of you who have been using the site for a while), I'm still alive. I've just not had chance to get onto a pc. Ours at home has decided that it is too old, and it can't be upgraded, so I'm saving for a new telly. My mum has volunteered me a lap top, but I'm a proper touch typist, and can't be doing with such new fangled contraptions!
For those of you new to the site, I've been a member for quite a while. I've suffered on and off with panic, anxiety and depression for a number of years, and am living proof that listening to Meg, Nic, and the others out there can get you back somewhere near close to living a normal life.
Well to update from my last success story in April. . . . .
April and most of May came and went quite successfully - I didn't do anything too adventurous, but then I didn't gib out of anything either. I got into a routine of three weekly visits to the gym, continued with the healthy eating, CBT, and daily doses of prozac. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
THEN ..... within the space of 24 hours, I discovered that my darling horse (one month off his 32nd birthday) had a lymphoma, and had to be destroyed, and I was about to be made redundant.
I waited for the inevitable return of the panic/anxiety. Back to square one. And ........
Nothing bad happened. Of course I was shi**ing it, not having a job, but I started applying, and (ok so I admit it wasn't easy), I managed to go to several interviews. Talk like a normal person. Not throw up, spontaneously combust, talk gibberish, or otherwise give the game away, that I was not a "normal" person.
And I got all the jobs (bar one) that I applied for (and to be honest, everybody who knows me had hysterical laughter when I told them I'd applied to be a wedding planner). Something inside me clicked though, and I decided that I didn't want to spend the next eleven years working for somebody who ultimately had the power the dismiss me, without a thank you or backward glance.
So I got in touch with Business Link, went on lots of courses and seminars, and I'm now self employed.
As well as doing some freelance bar work, which includes running the local pub one day and evening a week for the landlord and lady to have a day/night off, I have set up my own business, housekeeping, and house and pet sitting, and doing basic book keeping. I've also been working on my writing, and am hoping to have my depression article published soon (I'll let you know how I get on with that).
I can honestly, and genuinely say that I have never felt this good in AGES.
A few weeks ago I had to visit my GP for a medication review as I had been on prozac for six months now. I walked in, and she said "you look great - have you been away - you look really well - whats your secret?"
"Well, I've just had my horse put down, and been made redundant, it's been a pretty ****ty time actually. And I've more than coped. " It's a good job she already knows I'm totally mad, or else I'm sure she would have certified me right there and then.
Ok, so for one month, whilst I was sorting my head out, I was on 40mg of fluoxetine a day, but after a month, I went back to 20mg, and it served it's purpose. I got through a time, that frankly anybody would have found tough. And came out the other side fighting.
The point is that until all this happened I didn't realise just how much progress I'd made. Nor how unhappy, depressed, and miserable my job was making me. I'd not got stuck in a rut, I'd fallen into the bottom of a crater!
I still try very hard not to think about anything, and could easily make myself feel wobbly again, without any effort. However, I did allow myself to compile a list of things I've not done for ages and have managed (mainly without any panic, and only the tiniest bit of anxiety) to do, or am planning to do.
House sit for Brian and his four "babies" (the cats) for two weeks.
House sit for Judy
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