Hi, I'm writing here because I'm in a really bad place right now. Well, have been for roughly 10 years.
I can't stop thinking and ruminating even though I know it's not helping me. Since I was about 13, for some unknown reason I began to think and live in my head constantly. I became paranoid about what others' thought of me and just felt completely detached from everything and cried a lot every day.
Sometimes my thoughts will get so extreme and complex, like at one point I was just looking at the top of my curtains and thinking "how am I going to ever going to be able to perceive the world/think normally like before I was 13, and why am I even looking at the curtains like a crazy person??" It feels like I've been analyzing constantly since that time but I don't know why and it drives me crazy not knowing. The fear that I'm slowly going crazy has increased over the past few years and is at its worse now.
I had that thought while I was sat trying to do a mindfulness practice which had helped me a lot previously but I just suddenly out of nowhere started to think about this kind of stuff and when I started I couldn't stop, despite KNOWING it couldn't be good for me (since mindfulness is all about seeing thoughts as passing mental events)
So why do I carry on? From a logical point of view, there must be SOMETHING my brain thinks it will get by thinking about things right? I don't know what to do..