So scared of my thoughts

[winduptoy]

Hi all,

I'm relatively new to this forum (not much of an active user), but not to anxiety. I've been suffering GAD and panic disorder in varying form for years now. About ten years ago I had what you might call a nervous breakdown and was severely depressed. I got through that, with the depression fading away, but the anxiety never left.

Fast forward to today and I feel like the anxiety is finally getting the better of me. It's one thing to be afraid of driving through a tunnel or getting stuck in a lift, it's a whole new ball game for me thinking that I'll "go crazy!" if I eat my breakfast OR I'll go crazy if I wash my hair with shampoo. I can barely bring myself to write this because admitting that these thoughts are getting the better of me is both embarrassing and terrifying.

This fear of going crazy if I do x,y,z is new, though I have had similar fears/phobias about eating food or drinking water that may have been "poisoned" by the person preparing it but I managed to keep it under control. Over the past 6-12 months I've been under periods of extreme stress and this phobia seemed to spiral out of control. It's gone from "I can't eat that just in case it's been poisoned etc and then a few weeks ago a new thought popped into my head...I can't eat or drink that because I might go crazy.

So my question is – am I going crazy? Who thinks like this?

Next question – I've read up on this as being potentially OCD and that it's just an irrational thought; that thoughts are only thoughts and we shouldn't buy into them and give them any extra fuel. How can I do that when I need to be eating, drinking etc all day?

My psychologist is away until the 8th Jan and I can't get in to see a psychiatrist until the Christmas break is over. I think I just need some reassurance that others have been through this too because right now I'm feeling very scared and alone with my thoughts.

Thanks for reading.

[TomT]

Hello winduptoy,

Welcome to the forum. No you are not crazy in fact there is a post regarding food and being poisoned
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=174064

Its common to get a small relapse when our therapists go away for some days haha First you will have to ask yourself why would anyone poison your food?

Regarding how to ignore this thoughts? Well im more of thought challenger and in this case I would eat the food and see that there is no reason to be afraid. Those thoughts you have are no different from anyone with intrusive thoughts and magical thinking, just breath in and even if the thought becomes recurrent keep doing what you are doing do not try to acknowledge it, just about something else try describing the dish you been served or practice a breathing technique if you have one, mine is (3 seconds breathing 5 seconds holding 8 seconds releasing it slowly paced). Remember this are just thoughts and worries, you ate after all and nothing has happened to you so why would it happen now.

Remember anxiety occurs because something is stressing you in life, when you have this worry just ask yourself, What is that is causing me stress in my life? not the food poisoning but the real stuff.


Tom.