is this harm ocd

[Audi]

quarrel with my wife last night and have a heavy conflict ....she scratched my hand till bleeds . this is not the first we quarrel and not the first time she scratched my hand with scars.... whenever quarrel I have urged that I will kill her.... and yesterday I had urges of killing her and after a while the urges change to killing myself to make her regret.... I keep having the thought that if I die she will sad and she regret for her action ...... I m so scared of these thoughts..... I am now in my office not so willing to go home... I scare I will act on my urges either killed her or myself....

but the urges of killing myself is stronger than killing her..... I m so stress and scared ..... I don't know whether I will really act on killing myself.... jumping of from a building...... I don't know whether its will harm ocd or I really have the intention of killing myself .....


everytime we quarrel or fight I will have this thoughts.... mostly is killing her but this time I haver the thought of killing myself . I am still angry with her.... because of the scar she gave to me on my hand .... and it look embarrassing .


please advise

[uru]

Are you from Singapore?

Welcome!

[Audi]

Yes.

[gatsby12]

Yes, this looks a lot like Harm OCD. I had it before I had more current incarnation of OCD. I'd fly into rages and have these very horrible and graphic thoughts.

[jadedreams]

Hey there, I have harm OCD - mainly towards myself, but rarely towards others. From what you describe it sounds like what you may be going through, please check with a doc/therapist to be sure.

The main thing I have been told is that if the primary reaction you get to the thoughts is fear/disgust/panic then it is likely an OCD intrusive type thought. They really really suck, I've been dealing with them for about 7 months now. I'm better now than at the beginning, but not where I want to be yet. For several months I was afraid to be alone because of them. Now I am ok with that, but I do still get a few thoughts that bother me. I'm working on just letting the thoughts go by, like leaves floating down a stream as my therapist says. The less reaction you pay to them, the less they'll come up.

Again, I would check with a counselor/therapist for a firm diagnosis though.

[TomT]

Audi! Its been a long time since I saw a post of you, yes this is HOCD all over it.
I been through this at the start of my anxiety, nope you won't kill yourself or kill another person. Remember people that actually kill themselves don't fear the idea of hurting themselves they are pretty ok with the idea of taking their lives, the same goes for violent people who either kill or hurt others, there is a sadistic pleasure behind it.

As Terry says Anxiety is 'ego-dystonic' you fear that you might do something you would never do.

In those situations when you feel like this or think something like this, just remember it is your anxiety and not you. My favorite quote here is "You are not your thoughts"

Tom