A bit of a confusing one

[sauly1991]

Hey all, happy new year and hope all is well.

I've been going through abit of a torrid time, and although I'm handling myself and the problems "better" than I may of previously, I feel a little lost, a little unknown and unsure.

Basically, I'm in the process of starting Fluoxetine, I will have been taking it 2 weeks on Sunday. I had horrid side fx in the first couple of days, now I'd like to say the side effects have gone, but now all I feel like I'm getting is "mental side effects". My OCD seems to be through the roof, literally EVERY thing I do right now I question, or panic about. Most the time I know I need to accept the thoughts and more often than not it works straight away.


But today, whilst on a walk with my mum, we stopped at the bottle bank to get rid of empties left over from Christmas, all of a sudden I DIDN'T want to throw them away. Not quite sure why? I just didn't want to. I mentioned this to my mum before we got there, not to outright plead with her not to chuck em, although I must admit I really wanted to, but mainly just to say "mum, mr OCD has turned up announced".....now my mum has been to one or two therapy sessions where OCD has been the topic, so she understands a fair bit about it, and that colluding with my OCD is a bad thing. So she chucked all the bottles. Now at the time I wasn't crawling the floor or screaming, I was cool. But it's on reflection that I'm worrying and regretting it.

Is this normal? I'm trying to process what is happening, but I don't know if it's just OCD or hoarding or GAD or what. It's as if I have deluded myself into thinking I need to get the bottles back, and it feels like at the moment changing that perspective is impossible :-/


Deep down, knowing that I didn't give in to the urge to take the bottles home is a good thing, but it has made me feel incredibly sh***y. I'm hoping tomorrow I will have forgotten all about it, but basically just wondering if anyone else has been like this, and what I should carry on doing or not do etc. I find its so hard this time of year because I can't just turn up at my therapists or docs cos of the holidays.

Hope that all makes sense, no doubt I've made a couple of spelling errors which I will edit lol any reply is appreciated

Thank you

Sauly

[vicky23]

Hi,
I sometimes get this too. For me it's like these things are part of me and to throw them away is throwing myself away. I know how ridiculous this sounds but it's the only way I could rationalise it.
The feeling does pass, hopefully it will for you too. And I hope that knowing you're not the only one who experiences this helps reassure you
Best wishes

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I've been through this. I don't see mine as hoarding, more a resemblance to it as it's not a full blown affair for me. The thing with OCD is you can easily experience other forms, I've had several straight from the off and things do change over time. You can decrease one to find another increasing or a new one developing.

I agree with Vicky, I felt like that. Either I was throwing part of myself away or throwing away something that I could never get back (control issue).

Your mum did the right thing. She would only have encouraged a new subtype if she doesn't do this. It's better to allow her to do this and deal with the anxiety that will come for a short period after than allow it to build into something much larger which will be harder to resolve later.

Try to tell yourself it is ok to feel a sense of loss or fear of it right now as that's where you are with your anxiety but try to rationalise it in that these are not treasured items and can be replaced easily.

[Shazamataz]

I'd also say your mum did the right thing.

You've only been on fluox for a couple of weeks and sometimes things get worse before they get better so it could just be a rough day OCDwise.

I don't have OCD but have two brothers with it and I have seen how much it can mess with you. Be assured one of my brothers has been on fluoxetine for years and his OCD is pretty much gone and has been long term so there is hope

[sauly1991]

Thank you all of you for your replies!! Much appreciated!

Vicky, that's pretty much the same for me, although I think I've only just realised that, just feels like I'll be different without the items, but part of me knows that they mean nothing to me and I think that's what makes it even more frustrating.

And thank you Terry for the encouragement, yes I've been breaking down the thoughts and the anxiety has subsided slightly, the thoughts are still there but don't really carry any weight anxiety wise!

And Shazamataz that is also encouraging to know, may I ask how long was it before things levelled out for your brother (if you know that is lol). But yes I am determined to stick at it as my therapist praises Prozac (should add I've come off Venlafaxine but have been of it for 2 weeks now so can't see that being the issue? More the Prozac I imagine!)

I am however faced with a new challenge. We have men coming to prune and cut a couple of trees in our garden tomorrow, and again this has got me incredibly worked up, if not more so because of the anticipation.. The thing that is REALLY getting to me is after it is all done, I.e. The cuttings.....the fact the trees are being cut isn't really an issue because my rational mind knows they are messy and would grow back, it's something about the control and then the URGES to act, I feel if I resist the urges I'm resisting the present thoughts.....help :-(