Off the meds since end of June 15 and am leaving my job

[CleoD]

hi there
just wanted to share with you that I slowly weaned myself off fluoxetine in 2015 and took my final pill end of June .. Since then I have been taking my fish oils ( from Mind 1st) etc.. and times have been tough coming off the tablets. I went through a period of feeling incredibly angry.. so sport helped to get out the frustrations.. and just feeling very up and down mood wise... but I muddled through. I read a book called the 5 secrets you must discover before you die and it really helped me a lot to put things into perspective about life in general..

I have a very big job and I realised that it was time to make a change as after I went on holiday in August ( the first time I did not work at all on holiday) 2 days before I was due back in the office the dread and anxiety started again.... that awful feeling... So on and off I took diazepam to control the panic and also phenergan to help me sleep.. but I had made a promise to myself that I would not go back on antidepressants.. I wanted to try and find out who the real me is...

I have finally realised that my job has to go... it is just not good for me.. I dont cope well with pressure and although I am told I am very good at my job.. its just taking too much of a toll on my health. I have been constantly putting on a front where I come across as very in control when in reality I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and feel so anxious that I could throw up.

I also realised that my desire for nice things/ holidays etc.. was really a release and a result of feeling so stressed out at work.. its like I felt i deserved the best as I was working so hard and feeling under so much pressure.

So I did the deed and am due to finish early summer.... it will mean changes in my life.. having to lose nice clothes/ big holidays etc.. but I have learned the hard way.. I never ever want to feel that awful dread again... and my health is my wealth..

I am due to go back to work tomorrow (after a 2 week break) and for the first time in 5 years I am not totally dreading it... because I know I am leaving. Ok, I cant pretend that I am allergic to the thought but at least I dont have that crippling feeling of dread and doom and fear which I used to get............

I might regret my decision, but my plan is to take some time.. maybe get a job that is just really straightforward .. with no stress or responsibility and live a more balanced life...

For those of you out there in a similar situation - all I can say is that if you can arrange it.. so far it feels like the right thing for me...

Just wanted to share given that the Sunday before going back in the new year for the last 5 years has been one of the worst days of the year for me...

speak soon Cleo D

[uru]

Hey thanks for posting this. Can I just ask, can you post in a few months to let us know how you're getting on?

I'm beginning to feel my job will have to go too so I'm really interested in your story.

[pulisa]

That's a huge decision and one I can very much relate to. At the end of the day your mental and physical health are far more important than any high powered job regardless of all the perks and megabucks. They mean nothing when you're a quivering heap as a result of the endless pressure.

I haven't worked for years as I am a carer to my daughter but I used to work in an incredibly stressful job (Official Secrets Act means I can't say any more) but suffice is to say that any cock up would have big consequences. My OCD really took off as a result. I resigned when my son was born and never went back despite getting phone calls from my boss in the maternity ward begging me to reconsider.

You may have to "downsize" your life but it will be worth it. I really wish you luck and much better mental health in the future

[Carolin]

Work is stressing me out so much.

I know it is contributing to me not being able to move forward in recovery.

Financially I need to work until our mortgage is paid , which puts a massive strain on me. It's only a small mortgage, but needs to be paid to keep a roof over my family.

I admire you leaving your job. I can imagine the feeling of relief you have, knowing you don't need to worry about feeling ill.

Good luck with your recovery xx

[CleoD]

Thanks for your support - I have to say most days I'm like yes this is the right decision .. then I do have days where I slightly panic and think yikes what am I doing... the scary thing is that I am totally bored with my profession.... and I really dont want to work in it anymore.... and then I think... ok so what will I do.

I do worry that I might get even lower if I am not stimulated.... there is something to be said for having a routine... I guess I will need to create my own routine.. so that I don't get the urge to go back to bed as soon as I drop off my kids to school...........................

Keen to hear from anyone who gave up a very pressured job and how they are getting on now......... and of course I will keep you posted on how I am doing.

Thanks a lot

[benjanxious]

Thanks for posting this! I'm currently questioning one of my jobs (I have 2, aren't I lucky ) and this was helpful. There is nothing worse than having a boss that only cares about the store and not the employees. One who only cares if you come in and not whether you are comfortable or well.