I only have one friend who I have not seen for 7 years, who lives in Wales, but we communicate a lot on FB messaging. She also suffers from anxiety issues so we 'get' each other well. I feel guilty for having not seen her in so long, but in a way I am also comfortable that way. I know that sounds awful, but I am such a loner and always have been.
I lost a friendship last year. I was friends with a woman who lives in Gran Canaria, who I had known for 16 years, but I now realise it was never a true friendship. She is much more confident and overbearing than me, and always 'ran' the whole friendship. I go out there twice a year - my boyfriend is Canarian/Spanish and lives there - and everything we did and where we went was always her choices. At times she would be a great friend - funny, good for advice, helpful, etc - but the one things she would never support me with was my mental health problems. If I was having a bad day - be it here or while on holiday, she would basically run in the other direction or change the subject and not want to know. I overlooked it as I valued the good parts of her friendship, but last year she started a row with me about some utter nonsensical thing, and when I stood my ground, she told me I was 'too complicated for her anyway'.....that was it for me, but I held my tongue in the hope things would resolve.
The next day, she had blocked me on all forms of communication - Whatsapp, FB, etc.
I did likewise.
I think friendships are hard for anyone sometimes. It is not easy finding others who you have a true synchronicity with and a real two-way street connection with, and I do think it is even harder when one of you suffers from a mental health condition.
You get to learn who is really a friend, and who is not.
I have never really needed friends, if I am honest. I am a solitary person, and always have been, even before my mental issues. I always felt a bit strange because of that, and my family have commented on it too. That I spend too much time at home, and don't want to go out and socialise and meet people. i don't know why, but as I get older, I also feel that life is too short for what i would call 'fairweather friendships'.
I have lost friends before this particular friend too, again due to an inbalance in our friendship - me always kowtowing because of my confidence issues and shyness, and them always being more domineering, and the friendship always being one-sided. This has been a pattern in my friendships, and one I am trying to break as I get older.
I much prefer the connections that i have online, connections like the ones on NMP, with kindred spirits who can relate in the most important and relevant ways. xxx
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