Definitely having a depression blip week 5. Ugh

[MissyMischief]

Not sure what to think. Felt good yesterday morning. Went for a jog, but felt that derealization feeling, which I hate. Felt on and off anxious the rest of the day. Ended up taking a Xanax in the evening, which I haven't done in ages. Weird.

This morning I am feeling a tad bit better.

Don't know what to think. I guess it's just meds stabilizing. I have good moments/bad moments throughout the day. It's very up and down and inconsistent right now. Tonight is dose 45, three days into week 7.

Oh well, I guess it's better than feeling down and down all the time. I'm gong to try and focus on doing some craft projects today, as it's pouring rain outside. And tonight is the Democratic presidential debate, which I am either going to watch or listen to on the radio.

[MissyMischief]

Well.... had to get up earlier than normal to see my counselor. I was really tired. Felt okay getting there, but felt very anxious with unreality during the session, which I hate because normally the sessions are relaxing for me. Gave up and took a Xanax when I left. Did some shopping, came home and took a nap with the dogs, felt much better in the evening. Feeling just fine pre-bedtime.

I've been eating a lot of junk food lately. I guess that's good on one hand because it proves I have an appetite (which is totally GONE when I'm at my most anxious), but on the other hand, I feel bloated and gross. Time to clean up my diet...but my Birthday is on Friday, so may just have to wait until that's over. Haha...

Tonight is dose 46. Three more days 'till week 7 is over. Going to make it through week 8 and then increase to 30mg if need be.

[MrsCav]

Keep going! You are doing so well, I can read so many positives, like going shopping .... it might have been essential food shopping, but your did it!! You're being kind to your body and napping when you can. And you are crafting.

Won't be long before you stop posting on here because you will be out and about getting up to all sorts.

[MissyMischief]

Awww...thanks, MrsCav! I've enjoyed reading your diary on here... It gives me hope!

Take care and thanks for the positive words of encouragement!

[MrsCav]

I'm glad you enjoyed my diary, I had read other diaries which had inspired me .... as will your diary inspire others.

It does feel bad right now, it's grim. You never know where you are one day to the next. All you can do is play it hour by hour. But I promise, it is going to get so much better.

[MissyMischief]

Thanks again, MrsCav! The reassurance is much needed and appreciated .

Today, I woke pretty anxious. I've been having bad nightmare/vivid dreams which leave me feeling really shaken. I also have an appointment later this afternoon that I'm nervous about.

[MrsCav]

Good luck with your appointment, I hope you got there ok, sat through it and managed it well. When you're feeling anxious and having to deal with stuff, is just the worse. I bet I can beat you on the vivid dreams ... all my life I have had bat sh1t crazy dreams, some are completely bonkers ... I had one sleep where I had dreamt I had been competing in a triathlon (which in itself isn't that bonkers) but I wasn't suppose to be in this event, I was trying to catch a friend up and have a chat with her so I had to do the event, but when it came to swimming I was just swimming and going nowhere .... I woke up exhausted and had to go back to sleep as I felt I had been exercising all night. And that's a mild dream. I don't have nightmares but I defo fall into the lucid/vivid dreams.

Anyway, I'm going to stick around (if that's ok with you). If I'm being honest I can feel my anxiety creeping back in so coming back here is calming as I can see I am not alone. But I'm not ready to hit the meds just yet, not that I won't, just that at the moment I will stick with beta blockers. Enough about me. Tell me more about you, like where in the states are you? I love America, amazing country.

[MissyMischief]

Hi again!

I can't say I've had vivid dreams quite like this until I started this current med. Every night I wake up sweaty and in distress, either from a nightmare, or at least an anxiety dream. I'm often being chased by a killer, or have lost my dogs or something awful like that. I try to yell or dial my phone for help, but it just fails every time. Classic anxiety dreams, I know, but still distressing to have every single night.

Please do stick around! I feel a bit lonely in the Fluoxetine forum at times, so it's nice to have someone to chat with.

I live in Northern California along the coast, close to the Oregon border in Humboldt County. I'd name the town, but it's quite small and isn't even on most maps. We are best known for our giant Redwood trees, hippies, a university, Bigfoot, and A LOT of marijuana production. It's a pretty crazy place to live at times, but very beautiful.

I've had anxiety on and off my whole life, but the last year and a half have been a nightmare, which has led me to finally give in and try meds. Fluoxetine is the third one I've tried and hopefully the last. I can't wait to get back to feeling normal again.

Where abouts in the UK do you live? I have never been overseas, sadly. Hopefully when this anxiety gets under control, I will manage a trip soon.

Take care! And if you feel like getting back on the meds, I say, why not? If they worked before, they should work again, right? No point suffering when you don't need to.

[MrsCav]

I would deffo jump back on, without a doubt, I have no hesitations as I know how well Fluox works ... but at this time, I can keep it under control. My anxieties stem through my teeth, I worry about my teeth all the time .... as I'm typing this I am reading it back and thinking, it's bloody teeth. Anyway, I had a filling fall out the other day so it's been temp filled until the tooth needs to come out. But for a week or two my anxiety will be high, then I will calm down and all will be good. But if I don't or can't calm down I will be back to the doctors. I have no worries about going back on Prozac at all.

I bet you have amazing beaches where you live, aswell as all the Redwood trees. As I brit, in my little head California is where all the beautiful people live, all live in houses just off the beach, it's warm all the time and they make tonnes of tv programmes there. I have no idea what North California is like, but to live near beaches must be great. I live near Liverpool, which is in the North of England and it's probably most famous for The Beatles all coming from Liverpool. We do have beaches, but nothing like your level. I've been to New York but my husband has travelled to various places on the East coast of America. We would love to go back to New York again but my husband had a heart attack last year (he was 44 ) so after having a stent fitted the travel insurance to the states is just astronomical. I'm not a massive lover of Europe as I can't speak other languages so I prefer a country that speaks English. We will go back one day, but just not for the next few years.

I've had anxiety most of my life, I had an anxious parent so it's all be rubbed off onto me and then throw in genetics, it was going to happen. But it started to spiral and that's how I ended up on Prozac. I was taught how to meditate by Buddhist monks and that works, have you looked into that? Or my new favourite is adult colouring books which have massively taken off in the uk.

I noticed the board was quiet and when you start a diary its nice to have some feedback. When you're feeling all gloomy is nice that someone else can see the positives.

[MissyMischief]

Hello again,

The beaches are lovely here, but very different than southern California. They're more rocky, and the water is much colder and rough. In the summer, there might be a few days when you can wear a bathing suit, but the rest of the year you definitely have to wear a jacket and pants to the beach. We get lots of fog, rain, and grey days, which is pretty common for northern California, Oregon, and Washington.

Sorry to hear your husband suffered a heart attack . That must have been a very scary and stressful time for you both. I've never been to New York City, although I've been through some of the east coasts states. It is lovely there. I would consider moving to that side of the country if my family wasn't based on the west coast.

---

Well, tonight will be dose 48. Not so anxious this morning, but feeling a bit down in the dumps. To be honest, I just feel rather bored and lonely. I really just want this damn anxiety to be gone gone gone (or at least reduced) so that I can get back to a normalish life. I want to go back to work and hang out with friends again. I used to love going out to eat with friends and gossiping, and I haven't been able to do that for ages. Right now my social circle includes my boyfriend, parents, dogs, this forum, and my counselor.

I'm reaching the end of week 7 on 20mg. I keep thinking that maybe I should increase to 30mg....but I've read so many diaries on here where people stuck it out at 20mg and ended up feeling great. Soooo...I'm not sure what to do.