don't know how much more i can take.

[mark78]

first of all im really sorry this post is so long. where to start well first of all im really struggling right now and have been for a few week's. my my anxiety is sky high and im feeling totally detached from my self and reality i just can't seem able to cope with reality at all mainly because im unable to control all the negative thoughts racing through my mind especially the none stop constant thoughts of dying/death its with me every second/minute/hour of the day&night the fear of my self dying or a loved one especially my mam&dad is just to much for me to deal with it's really ruining my life infact i don't have any sort of a normal life and haven't for many years. and to really top it all off ive just heard about chap i know well has passed away today he used to live near me for years he's only in he's mid 40s although he was a alcoholic it still has me nocked for seven. i do have a great family around me my mam dad and three sisters who would do anyting for me but i just can't bring my self to put all my problems on any of them especially my mam or dad because they have enough to cope with all ready. it just seems im like i am completely trapped and sadly i can't ever see a way out of this for me or ever leading a normal life again.

---------- Post added at 22:18 ---------- Previous post was at 20:15 ----------

whats going on is ther no one this site 2night ???

---------- Post added at 22:57 ---------- Previous post was at 22:18 ----------

[angels22165]

Hi Mark

Have you been to see your GP and explained how you are feeling, he/she maybe able to support you through this tough time - either with CBT, therapy or medication. No one should have to live with this amount of anxiety I would go and see your GP soon, even show him the text you have put on here if you find it hard discussing.

Julie x

[luxxinterior]

Hi Mark... you are Irish too it appears... oiche mhaith mo chairde you seem to be afraid to be alone... or independent. Something I really struggled with... I think it is an Irish disease!!! Our parents, in particular, our Mammy's take care of everything for us lol. It is hard to break free... and when it cam to my time, I was like you... petrified!!! Thoughts are thoughts my friend... you need to understand why the thoughts of being without those close to you causes you such anxiety..once you understand that, you'll be grand

[TexSpirit]

wow. Maybe it is an Irish thing. ^.^ I am like that with my two kids but somehow they are nothing like me. I am Irish. Redhead and light complected. I am very protective of my whole family. I even told them they should live with me forever. I don't want to be alone ever but am most times. But back to you hun.
Trust me when I say that would only solve your anxieties and not help. Think about it. If your mother is anything like me that would end her life as well and your father too. Your family loves you so much. To give up is not the answer. I felt like no one loved me in my whole life and most of it no one did. But now I see that someone does love me,will miss me and couldn't go on without me in their life. I always used my kids to keep myself here on earth and it worked until they are now over 18 and doing their own things. No time for me . I feel sometimes as though why be here. But that little bird in my head keeps saying there is someone that doesn't want you gone. That person needs me as their reason to live. If I take my life from them then they won't want to live and won't have a reason either. It could be that trusty OK dog or pup or cat or neighbor or even a best friend . For me it is my best friend's daughter. My best friend took her own life and left her daughter behind to hurt. She has heart problems and other health issues. And without me here now she wouldn't have a stepin mom. She calls me her big momma and her mom little momma. I am taller than her mom was. But she needed her recently and more than ever. Her Mother died when my brother died. So she really need someone. My point is nothing in this world is worth it. I have a bad life and trust me even though you have never met me I know those thoughts come in most times when you are all alone with no one to talk to. Get an online friend or skype with someone you know when that feeling comes over you. You aren't alone from what you said. YOU have others. And those are family. Confide in them darlin. Trust in knowing your siblings will even understand if they are as you said. They are the ones that will ALWAYS AAAALWAYS be there for you until their last breath on this earth. Maybe they already understand and even maybe they are dealing with some issues that they could use you. Remember nothing is worth ending your life for.nothing. all it causes is more pain even after YOU are gone . Your just leaving someone else to step into that pain you left behind. From a mother dealing with the same feelings but keeps moving on cause I know there is someone else that will hurt more if I am gone than when I am here. Don't think of yourself only. Life is precious and should be lived and used to make another life. Hugs darlin keep on moving and doing. Help others .

[jadedreams]

Hey there, I agree with TexSpirit - family is so important and life is precious. I also feel we should do everything we can to help one another. I have some Irish blood in me as well, but also a mixture of other things

I too an in a rough spot at the moment and I am saying this to you and myself as well. There is always hope, while you are here, things can change. If I remember back to the beginning of my anxiety then I had hundreds of intrusive thoughts a day. I was happy if I got a minute's break. Now I get hours each day, morning are still rough and I'm not where I want to be. But I improved, which tells me I can improve more. And I'm telling you you can improve, so keep on moving as Tex said.

Reach out to whomever you need to and just keep moving.

[mark78]

thanks very much for support and kind words deep down i know what ye are saying is right. but as ye know when someone is feeling the way i am now its so so hard to keep moving and tink positive thoughts. its the feeling completely out of touch with reality and detached from my self and the constant thoughts of fear of dying that is hurting the most i know i must find a way past this somehow but right now that just seems impossible