Fear of schizophrenia

[Lee29]

I have a constant fear of becoming schizophrenic or being in a state of beginning of schizophrenia.

I look up all the symptoms of early psychosis online, only to match a third of them.

I did get closed-eye hallucinations once during that severe panic attack and I know they weren't within my grasp.

During this severe panic attack and ever since I am taking anti-psychotic and feeling really down nearly all nights with insomnia and a huge headache. I don't know what causes this anxiety, it's deep in my subconscious.

I believe it's been two months since my first panic attack.
I'm looking at symptoms online all the time and feel all the more anxious.

I'm convincing myself that I have a psychosis, maybe I do have a psychosis as they share the same symptoms as a panic disorder.

[debs71]

Hi,

I think it is very common to worry about conditions such as this with anxiety. I had the exact same thing when I had my breakdown many years ago. I worried that I was schizophrenic, going to go insane, etc.

The mere fact that you are worried and aware of schizophrenia basically shows that you ARE NOT or are not going to become schizophrenic. People suffering from schizophrenia and psychosis generally do not know they are unwell. It is their norm and they are so entrenched in it that they do not question whether they are ill......they just are and it is a terrible state of being.

A rational, sane person however will question themselves. A very anxious person/phobic person will worry themselves into a state of fear about becoming seriously metally ill, but this is purely just ANXIETY talking and driving the fears, and driving their symptoms.

Anxiety brings with it a host of symptoms that we might think is serious stuff like schizophrenia - derealisation/depersonalisation, that spaced out feeling that makes us question whether we are going crazy, etc. This is NOT the case - it is just our super-anxious minds playing tricks. Depersonalisation/DR is the minds way of trying to remove us from high anxiety....a form of protection, that's all. That is what creates the 'unreal' feelings and sensations.

Please trust that you are not going crazy, you sound to me like you are just super-fearful and anxious. It makes us think all kinds of stuff that is not the case. X

[Lee29]

Hi,

I think it is very common to worry about conditions such as this with anxiety. I had the exact same thing when I had my breakdown many years ago. I worried that I was schizophrenic, going to go insane, etc.

The mere fact that you are worried and aware of schizophrenia basically shows that you ARE NOT or are not going to become schizophrenic. People suffering from schizophrenia and psychosis generally do not know they are unwell. It is their norm and they are so entrenched in it that they do not question whether they are ill......they just are and it is a terrible state of being.

A rational, sane person however will question themselves. A very anxious person/phobic person will worry themselves into a state of fear about becoming seriously metally ill, but this is purely just ANXIETY talking and driving the fears, and driving their symptoms.

Anxiety brings with it a host of symptoms that we might think is serious stuff like schizophrenia - derealisation/depersonalisation, that spaced out feeling that makes us question whether we are going crazy, etc. This is NOT the case - it is just our super-anxious minds playing tricks. Depersonalisation/DR is the minds way of trying to remove us from high anxiety....a form of protection, that's all. That is what creates the 'unreal' feelings and sensations.

Please trust that you are not going crazy, you sound to me like you are just super-fearful and anxious. It makes us think all kinds of stuff that is not the case. X

But my anxiety has absolutely no reason to be, what causes this?

Why am I always anxious for days after no matter how much I sleep?

I am completely incapable of calming down, it is beyond my control to calm myself.

Does a person with early psychosis knows that it is just his mind playing tricks on him or is he convinced that the feelings are real?

Maybe the feelings of headaches, anxiousness and sickness that I am feelings aren't real and they're just hallucinations?
How would I know?

[Fishmanpa]

The mere fact that you are worried and aware of schizophrenia basically shows that you ARE NOT or are not going to become schizophrenic. People suffering from schizophrenia and psychosis generally do not know they are unwell. It is their norm and they are so entrenched in it that they do not question whether they are ill......they just are and it is a terrible state of being.

^^^That^^^

I had a psychotic episode during my cancer treatment due to a drug reaction. I essentially lost about three days of my life. While I functioned, drove my truck back and forth to treatments, ate, talked etc. I have very little recognition of that time. When I came out of it, I had no idea of some the things I was doing. The nurses recognized something was wrong and contacted psych and I was treated.

So yeah... I can tell you first hand what debs71 is saying is spot on.

Positive thoughts

[Lee29]

^^^That^^^

I had a psychotic episode during my cancer treatment due to a drug reaction. I essentially lost about three days of my life. While I functioned, drove my truck back and forth to treatments, ate, talked etc. I have very little recognition of that time. When I came out of it, I had no idea of some the things I was doing. The nurses recognized something was wrong and contacted psych and I was treated.

So yeah... I can tell you first hand what debs71 is saying is spot on.

Positive thoughts

What bothers me is that I didn't use any drugs, never did.
It was just a panic attack with racing thoughts and closed-eyes hallucinations then I started to get ALL these panic attacks right after, it completely changed my life.

I was anxious before, but I didn't get panic attacks all the time like that and I was aware of my anxiety and could control it.

I rarely see people talking about panic attack and closed-eyes hallucinations unless they're on drugs like marijuana or LCD.

[Fishmanpa]

Regardless... you remember it and despite the distress it's causing you, you're speaking rationally about it. Are you getting any help?

Positive thoughts

[Lee29]

Regardless... you remember it and despite the distress it's causing you, you're speaking rationally about it. Are you getting any help?

Positive thoughts

Yes, but help doesn't do much for now.
I have an anti-psychotic drug from my psychiatrist and it makes me feel restless and doesn't help at all. I can't sleep.

Whatever the problem is, it's so deep in my subconscious that I can't calm my anxiety attacks or even know if I'm truly anxious.
If I feel bad one day, I feel bad for the rest of the day and possibly more.
I just can't calm down when these panic attacks occur, my symptoms stay for the rest of the day or until I manage to miraculously sleep.

I also know that I don't have schizophrenia but I'm scared to get it from anxiety or a panic attack somehow and I'm mostly wondering about whether or not I have a really mild psychosis, which would leave me vulnerable to schizophrenia for the rest of my life.

[debs71]

This all honestly sounds like off the scale anxiety that you are describing....to me at least.

I experienced almost identical thoughts and feeling during my breakdown. My anxiety was sky high and I could not control my rapid thinking, my worries, my paranoia that I was going insane and the list goes on. Nothing you have said that is happening to you sounds at all unusual to me.

Like you, my panic attacks were all day long at my lowest point. I would sit watching TV, but not really taking it in as my brain was fixated on feeling so anxious. i would spontaneously burst out crying with no control whatsoever.

Psychosis - if you have it - does not mean you are programmed to become schizophrenic by any means. I think I teetered on the edge of it when ill, but it never went full blown.

Please read this useful link. It may help: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/types/psychosis

[Lee29]

Thanks for the link, it is very instructive.

Sadly I am feeling far too jelly to show or express any emotion when this anxiety strikes.

Did you know why you were anxious at all or is this predicament supposed to lie in my subconscious?

I am feeling a lot better now after a nice rest, hopefully this feeling doesn't come back tonight, as it is already time for supper and I have only just woke up.

I'm going to keep posting in this thread if my supposed psychosis, which I no longer believe in, gets worse.

Hopefully I'll be able to think differently and come upon the reason behind these intuitive, nocturnal panic attacks.

As for now,

[debs71]

Thanks for the link, it is very instructive...
Did you know why you were anxious at all or is this predicament supposed to lie in my subconscious?

I am feeling a lot better now after a nice rest, hopefully this feeling doesn't come back tonight, as it is already time for supper and I have only just woke up...

You're welcome. Hope you found it helpful.

My anxiety and panic started during a period where I could not work due to an unresolved physical health problem. I spiralled into depression and then anxiety and panic.

I was actually told by my doctor that my anxiety was NOT solely caused by my situation/not working, rather it is a snowball effect after often many years of unresolved stress/worry, and I really think (for me at least) that was the case.

I had a lot of stress over several years from my nursing job (which I was not happy in) relationship stuff and just personal stress. This exploded in depression and GAD, the trigger or final straw being my health worry.

It can often be the case that sufferers have no clue what has caused their anxiety. They can't pinpoint a single thing as the cause, but as you say, it is deep in the subconscious, and something, SOMEHOW, has triggered it off.

I'm glad you are feeling a little better. Sleep (if you can get some) is very beneficial for us mentally. I definitely feel calmer and more rational after a good rest.