Some advice/guidance needed please.

[pulisa]

Really pleased to hear that you are in a safe place and that things are better than last time. You will have some security knowing that you will be kept safe over the weekend and into Monday when your psych returns..

Am really sorry that you are suffering so much but you did so well to get your case heard. Please take care xx

[Goldenbuddha001]

Pulisa, even though I am here I am terrified of hurting the other patients. One in particular my mind has latched onto who was here the first time I was admitted who I liked & still like

My mind keeps forcing me to have the thoughts of hurting people as a way to see my response to that thought/Impulse. I keep on imagining myself in a situation where I would have the opportunity to hurt them or not to see or feel if I would actually do it, or to see my response. It's overwhelming.

I have basically locked myself in my room. I have refused to continue with Trazodone & any antipsychotic drug listed such as risperidone which I haven't previously been able to tolerate. I won't revert back to things that haven't worked just to make things convenient for anyone especially antipsychotics!

The only thing I have had is lorazepam. I have had no choice as no other PRN medication can be given. Even though it perhaps has a shorter life span than diazepam I personally feel it's more potent. I didn't want to take another benzodiazepine but I want rid of this tradazone from my system ASAP & need something in the immediate to help me manage. I just hope that will be enough till my psychiatrist comes back. I hope he isn't angry with me either because I had no choice but to come here.

[pulisa]

You had no choice at all and have done the right thing. You must be in absolute torment-can you talk to any of the members of staff at all about these thoughts and fears and how you are having to isolate yourself due to these urges?

You know yourself best as to which drugs work for you. You have to do what it takes to get yourself through until Monday. There should have been more back-up for you whist your psych was away-he certainly won't be angry with you. I think you have been badly let down by a system which is very hit and miss xx

[Goldenbuddha001]

Hi Pulisa. It's a bit quiet with it being weekend but they are in the know of how I am feeling. I have requested for some one-one time for this evening.

The lorazepam has at least helped me interact to some extent today.

Yes, he should of put something in place whilst he was on leave, he may well have done just that but they haven't done anything about it, they certainly will have to now.

I just hope I will get through all of this.

[pulisa]

If the lorazepam helps you get through this awful period then you must take it-anything which makes life remotely bearable for you.

It's just one more day now until Monday but I know how long 24 hours can be when you're in torment. I hope you managed to get some one-to-one time with the staff last night-surely they must be able to talk to you and help you deal with these terrifying thoughts?