Any depressed parents Really struggling with their children?

[KeeKee]

Felt a tiny bit better these last few days. I do think I get much more down when I'm due to turn. I still feel agitated with my household though. My partner simply will not help with the housework and I'm at my wits end. He took a week off work and we were supposed to be sorting the house out and he was supposed to be doing a couple if things that I will not do as it grosses me out but he has literally done nothing and is back at work tomorrow. I just feel so miserable he keeps saying I've done nothing either but I don't work and can do anything at any given time (plus I've done my regular housework such as clothes washing/drying, dishes, feeding cats, moving bits and bobs I haven't not done anything I just haven't done anything major. But I need his help as it's his junk that needs moving and he gets annoyed when I shift his things. I don't know how much longer I can stand tripping over things that don't belong to me. I can't pick things up off the floor (his clothes) as I have a massive spider phobia so I can't shove all his things into a black bin liner as a friend has suggested. I feel so defeated.

[KeeKee]

Feel really lousy today. I don't know why my partner and daughter annoy me so much but it's making me want to cry my eyes out every second of every single day.
I hate that my house can't be tidy. All I asked my partner to do yesterday was wipe the settee and fire area with disinfectant as the cats had trailed litter everywhere and low and behold I had to do it as he spent all day on his videogames. I can't stand living here, if I could leave I would even just for one night I can't take this anymore. My house is disgusting, I feel severely depressed and have always struggled with housework but now I have even more to do as it seems my partner is purposefully withholding himself from helping me at all. As usual I had to do his dishes again last night. I always have to wash his cup when I'm making a cuppa as he is incapable. I want to run away every day I hate it so much. I feel so bitter towards him and resentment towards my daughter and this makes me feel immense guilt which makes me feel so low and worthless. I feel on the verge of tears just hearing them eating at the moment. I am awaiting therapy but it was a 3 month wait for my first assessment, then a 6 week wait for my 2nd which is in just under 2 weeks, then I've been told it'll be a further wait for my actual therapy and from past experiences this will probably be a further 6-8 weeks. I feel so alone and at breaking point.

[Carolin]

Hi Keekee

I feel for you. I totally get the feeling of wanting to run away. It's like an overwhelming feeling of not being able to cope. Trouble is, there is nowhere to run to, and it wont solve anything.

Are you able to get out ? Even just for a walk . I try and do this, and it does help.

I hope your day gets easier

[sunflower lady]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have the same difficulties in our house. What I find helps me is to have a friend come round to babysit for a couple of hours and I have a lie down or a nice bath. I can only afford this once a week but just having a little bit time to myself helps.
Another idea is to try and get a friend to take the kids out for a while then you do the same for them(if you can) It doesn't cost anything and you both do each other a favour.
I hope this helps a bit.
Ps my house is a mess too, I find that hard. But remember nobody says on their deathbed " I wish I had hoovered those stairs!". People count more than anything.

[KeeKee]

Thank you both for replying. You're right carolin, there is nowhere to go and it won't solve anything. I absolutely hate being outdoors alone. I don't enjoy walking ever unless it's dark and preferably raining. I struggle with low self esteem and being out in public is quite difficult especially since developing the world's worst under eye bags and dark circles. Thank you :-)
Sunflower lady, it's so hard isn't it. I laughed at your deathbed comment and you are so right. My family do feel the need to mention it on the very rare occasions they come though and it makes me feel so small. My parents have houses that have nothing out of place. Even a dvd on show is a crime to them.

I don't really have anyone close to me and if I'm honest I absolutely hate being around other people's children. I feel like I have PND all over again even babysitting my own relatives makes me feel really low. My partner does work and my daughter is at school so I do get alone time but because I don't really enjoy anything anymore it doesn't lift my mood. I feel like my daughter and partner could go away for the weekend and when they come back instead of having missed them it'd be as though they'd never left and the small things will annoy me. Its the same when they are poorly, I can tolerate them a little more and I'm happy to slave after them when they're I'll but as soon as they're better they just frustrate me so much.
It doesn't help that when I'm ill my partner will use it to his advantage and play his games all day rather than ensuring I have a quite environment to relax. I can never ever relax. He likes the TV to be loud and when he plays his music it's always loud even when he goes in the bath at 10.30pm. He has absolutely no consideration for us or even the neighbour.

The mess isn't so much the issue it's the dirt. We have 3 indoor cats and the house can get dirty quite quickly and the one chore my partner swore he would do was to ensure the litter was clean and not all over surfaces but he hasn't held up this promise.
He thinks I should be a housewife and it will never ever happen. Especially as I used to work full time while he stayed at home before our daughter was school age and I always come home to a messy (and occasionally empty) house. I had to make my own cup of tea even though I used to get up at 6am to make him one when he did night shift (I'm a late sleeper I used to wake up around 10 before my sleep patterns got disturbed last year).Sorry to ramble on yet again I just feel so worthless. Nobody cares how I feel.
In October my partner even brought a puppy home too! He went to work and I was left in the house with a crying puppy That I had to look after. I adore animals and believe he did it on purpose as he knew I wouldn't just sit there listening to it cry. It kept going for my cats too which is typical puppy behaviour but as one of our cats is very jumpy due to workmen startling her, it simply wasn't acceptable. We ended up rehoming it and my partner threatened to leave me and everything saying I've got one more chance as though I'd done something wrong!!