Hi everyone!
I'm sooo pleased to have found this forum - and I'm pleased to meet you all here.
I'm a 51 year old girl from England, and I've been struggling with panic, anxiety, and now agoraphobia, for the last 10 years. I took medication (Seroxat) about eight years ago, and thought it had 'cured' me, but a couple of years after I stopped, all the symptoms came back again - worse this time. So I've decided I don't want to take medication - actually, I'm afraid to take medication in case I can never get off it.
I am a teacher, but I had to give up work about 4 years ago because I was having such trouble coping with the panic and massive anxiety attacks. Now I just sit at home trying to keep myself amused, worrying, feeling depressed, and wondering if I'll ever get better.
I've had every single symptom listed here, and more that aren't mentioned. I have now got a Degree in Worrying About My Condition and Is It Something More Serious. I rarely go out, and have few friends left. My mother is terminally ill 200 miles away and is really upset and angry that I haven't been to see her, as are the rest of the family. They know that I am anxious etc., but think that I'm not trying hard enough to get better. My mother thinks I should just take pills and get better that way. She keeps ringing me up and crying, saying that if I really cared about her I would do whatever it takes to get to see her. It's awful. My children (grown up, left home) are baffled by me: they don't understand it really but accept it at least. My daughter is getting married next year and I am frantic to be better by then.
On the plus side, I have a fantastic husband who is endlessly paitent and supportive, but frustrated.
I have tried CBT (ended up having to stop going because the panic attacks trying to get there were crippling me), EFT, TFT, reading books, sessions with a psychologist (over the phone) which has helped a bit to get me to see WHY I have agoraphobia, but hasn't CURED it, counselling, meditation, hypnotherapy, Human Givens Therapy.... I don't know what else to try.
Some days I feel okay and can go shopping (IF it's not busy and IF I can escape easily etc.), and other days I'm too scared to leave the house.
THERE MUST BE A CURE SOMEWHERE!!!!
I'm at the end of my tether - where can I go to get help if I can't leave the house? I am so unhappy and lonely. the years are passing me by, and I'm spending them sitting in the kitchen gazing out at the world.
Sorry - I just needed to vent. :(
Thanks for listening
Polly xxxx