New forum member!

[Pollypanik]

Hi everyone!
I'm sooo pleased to have found this forum - and I'm pleased to meet you all here.
I'm a 51 year old girl from England, and I've been struggling with panic, anxiety, and now agoraphobia, for the last 10 years. I took medication (Seroxat) about eight years ago, and thought it had 'cured' me, but a couple of years after I stopped, all the symptoms came back again - worse this time. So I've decided I don't want to take medication - actually, I'm afraid to take medication in case I can never get off it.
I am a teacher, but I had to give up work about 4 years ago because I was having such trouble coping with the panic and massive anxiety attacks. Now I just sit at home trying to keep myself amused, worrying, feeling depressed, and wondering if I'll ever get better.
I've had every single symptom listed here, and more that aren't mentioned. I have now got a Degree in Worrying About My Condition and Is It Something More Serious. I rarely go out, and have few friends left. My mother is terminally ill 200 miles away and is really upset and angry that I haven't been to see her, as are the rest of the family. They know that I am anxious etc., but think that I'm not trying hard enough to get better. My mother thinks I should just take pills and get better that way. She keeps ringing me up and crying, saying that if I really cared about her I would do whatever it takes to get to see her. It's awful. My children (grown up, left home) are baffled by me: they don't understand it really but accept it at least. My daughter is getting married next year and I am frantic to be better by then.
On the plus side, I have a fantastic husband who is endlessly paitent and supportive, but frustrated.
I have tried CBT (ended up having to stop going because the panic attacks trying to get there were crippling me), EFT, TFT, reading books, sessions with a psychologist (over the phone) which has helped a bit to get me to see WHY I have agoraphobia, but hasn't CURED it, counselling, meditation, hypnotherapy, Human Givens Therapy.... I don't know what else to try.
Some days I feel okay and can go shopping (IF it's not busy and IF I can escape easily etc.), and other days I'm too scared to leave the house.
THERE MUST BE A CURE SOMEWHERE!!!!
I'm at the end of my tether - where can I go to get help if I can't leave the house? I am so unhappy and lonely. the years are passing me by, and I'm spending them sitting in the kitchen gazing out at the world.
Sorry - I just needed to vent. :(
Thanks for listening
Polly xxxx

[Piglet]

Polly a very big welcome to the site lovie!

You know something that occurs to me when reading your post is how hard you are trying to get better and that's completely admirable - but you know what hun I would stop trying so hard.

I think I would tell every member of the family that you are trying so to please that you have panic attacks and agoraphobia, that if you could do the things they want you to then you would. Meanwhile if they love and care about you then they are going to have to accept that at present this is you.

You have not stopped caring about anyone but they need to bear in mind that if you had some sort of physical ailment they couldn't expect you to just do as expected, so why is this any different.

There are lots of ways in which you can show you care mate and they don't all involve the need to be there in person. Don't add anymore guilt to the equation as it is completely innapropriate.

Get to like who you are and give out the love that you would like others to give you and punish yourself for nothing over this anxiety business. My guess is that if you learn to like and love yourself instead of seeing any shortcomings, then others will do the same - the ones that don't to my mind have issues and lessons to learn of their own.

Love Piglet

[wobily_lin]

Elo Polly,

Welcome to the site..great support n advice here..you will make good friends who totally understand..glad to have ya on board x

[manmoor]

Hi Polly,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[Wendie j]

Hi Polly

Im new aswell so i think we ve both taken that first big step to post here,and im sure it will help alot to know there are others going through what we are and we are not alone.

Like you i worked in education but had to give it up because of my anxiety and panic attacks.I spend alot of time alone aswell watching my life go by but just by reading these posts i can see what brilliant support and guidance we can get here,that will definately boost our morale.

Hope to chat sometime.

Wendie j

[Pollypanik]

Thank you all so much for your lovely welcomes, and for Piglet's really soothing comments...you have left me very thoughtful indeed, thank you.
I really look forward to chatting with you all over the coming times - it's lovely to have this support forum.
Polly xxxxxx

[Granny Primark]

Welcome polly,
Its good to know that theres someone else my age on the site
Im sure you will get loads of help and support from the members.
Just to know there are people that understand exactly what your going thru helps.

Take care
LYNN xx

[Karen]

Polly

You'll find some good help and support here.

Karen

[debera]

Hi And Welcome Polly
Luv Debera

[RachelC]

ello polly! welcome