Second day of work:
An update - Second day at work was far more difficult that the first, I found myself, on many occasions, again feeling like I was going to pass out but the feeling was much more stronger, it was very hard to get words out, my face felt clammy around the eyes and cheeks, breathing correctly become harder and it overall took me much longer to find solutions to the work I was doing. It honestly felt like the worst experience with anxiety so far, however the job it'self would seem like something I would very much enjoy, but i spend the entire time wanting to go home, hoping i don't pass out, freak out or worse (die) in front of my co-workers. I came home absolutely exhausted, still feeling very anxious now in-fact, just woke up from a 2 hour sleep which i desperately felt like i needed. I managed to get through another day, I'm not feeling as proud as i did yesterday though, i also just found out a friend of mine who's also been suffering anxiety issues and hasn't been able to attend work, just got fired. My hope is for a better future is starting to look a little dull, I won't let this stop me though!
First day of work:
Despite how crappy I've been feeling lately, with anxiety sky rocketing and landing somewhere on Earth 2.0. I managed to secure a job and turn up for it today even though my anxiety was playing ticks on me, telling that if I went I would surly die, BUT I WENT!Since the 1st of January my anxiety has been absolutely mental, with dizziness, headaches, GETTING THE FLU, yesterday I couldn't even step out the front door without having an anxiety attack.
But today, I got up at 7:40am (which NEVER happens), got ready and forced myself out the door to the first day on the job. I may have had a rough day, almost having a freak out on 4 separate occasions, being so tired and dizzy I wanted to swipe my desk clean and nap on it, drinking excessive amounts of water and going to pee every hour, but I managed to power through until 5pm. Got home, kicked off the shoes, plastered the blisters and felt proud of myself, as soon as i got in i felt so much better! My home is the safe zone.
I'm maybe starting to see that the only control you have over anxiety is sheer will power and living everyday life outside your comfort-zone, for it to gradually turn comfortable. That being said this was a very though experience to go through, I'm almost not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, since none of my co-workers have any idea I suffer health anxiety, this was just one victory, I'm hoping it lasts, I'm still going to pitch my case to my doctor on Thursday and maybe start taking medication... When anxiety gets so bad you can't step outside, it's a major issue for me personally
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Originally Posted by Shazamataz
