My name is Abbie and I am 28 years old. To make a long story short, 18 years ago my Great Grandma passed away and whatever in your brain that's supposed to make you accept and embrace dying...God forgot to give me one...or that shit is broken...I don't know. At 10 years old I was terrified of everything. I went into some sort of remission we will call it and its been pretty consistent since. Now...18 years later Im exhausted by it. I seriously cant do it anymore. Im not suicidal or anything like that but I CONSTANTLY have something wrong with me...its like I cant get a break from the health anxiety. Ive had every disease known to man but really Im healthy and I am so terrified that Ive "cried wolf" so many times that when I actually do have something I wont know. Does anyone else feel this way? I seriously cant enjoy things anymore because Im having palpitations and headaches and im worried about something. I have two beautiful babies and Im constantly scared im going to die and leave them. I wish I could have back all of the time Ive googled stupid symptoms and tried to reassure myself I want dying. Its ridiculous. I never wanted to take meds but Im so desperate now. Has anyone else taken a drug that doesn't make you feel like a zombie but keeps you from being so scared? I just want to relate to someone. My husband thinks im crazy and my mom thinks this is all a joke but its the farthest thing from funny.