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Thread: Autism

  1. #21
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo2316 View Post
    I began to wonder if this is people are being hostile, patronising or unkind? And whether this leads to a difficulty in forming friendships...... and in turn your feelings of isolation? If there is even a remote chance this is true I would very much urge you to think carefully and openly about how you interpret people (incredibly hard I know)..... because the key to unlocking a more rewarding and connected life might be there.

    We see anxiety as a way of coping. It may have been when we were young. Now we can use kinder and more efficient ways. Like reaching out to loving people, in mutual compassion.


    A comment of BB's from 2014 (pre-diagnosis) and plenty more where that came from!

    I am sending you my heart-felt respect and compassion. Good luck.


    Beautiful, no?

    Autistic now means autistic then.

    Getting an autism diagnosis - especially later in life - is very challenging and can be as problematic as it can be helpful. I sympathise and empathise, but this person clearly knows how to conduct themself on a public forum looking at their historic threads/comments.

    BB will always have had issues interpreting people; it's par for the course of being autistic, but this blatant (and consistent) rudeness wasn't there historically as far as I can see, and that's my issue.

    Whatever the cause is for this current attitude malfunction; it isn't autism.

    We all deserve to be treated with respect - especially Pulisa - who couldn't be any kinder or respectful to people and who has her own crap to deal with.

    Hopefully BB will see fit to mend that particular bridge? I hope so, because life is tough enough without alienating people who are trying to support us.

    Anyway, that's me. I'm off to wipe bird shit off my conservatory roof.
    __________________
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  2. #22
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    Re: Autism

    Sarcasm only serves to injure more. Especially when it is publicly directed from an elevated position. This is not a helpful for those browsing in hope to find helpful connections. Seeing all this dragging up of past comments shows well the futility of public admonishing. Most certainly best dealt with by those who understand such things.

    I understand well from my own experience and like to think I have tempered well having to undue such things. The active forums seemingly full of pit falls when it comes to tight nit groups who often tar and feather as they do. Just reading summons up on air of defense not so much for those who have a hard time conducting themselves. To be sure I agree that the issue in finding it hard to respond with such polite precision is not as much related to autism as it is to intellectual brow beating.

    I took the time to read between the lines and sorry I missed the opportunity to join in.
    ____________________

    I'm here now - but again from my reading doubt I will be for long. I don't take kindly to anyone being publicly roasted like that. I suggest you do it in PM - or otherwise you can fence with new comers like me.

    I got many labels and care less to use any of them as an excuse. It's this kind of contention that drives people to the brink.

    BB - I know we got issues like many others and propose we would do well to hold back when others do not understand. I won't tell you what to say, how to feel or what you should do - but I do understand how it is that intellectual masturbation as it often be with forum cliques drives and how they love to press our buttons. Some people make it an art or have a PHD in niceties and saying all the right things. We do better focusing on what works for us and leave them be. I know it's hard when all we have done is hit out for so long. There antics in reply show they need just as much work.

    As far as the challenges go re said labels - I'd like to think I know you well but mindful not to assume as I understand well the damage that can do.

    I do hope you come back. I clearly sense I am going to need a few friends if I am to stick this place out; as was myself invited a few months ago buy good online friend. Unfortunately they have no journals here which I find a much safer place. I'll tread carefully but don't mind lending support when I feel it's needed.

    Peace be with your friend.
    Last edited by Ponder; 03-09-21 at 11:36.

  3. #23
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post

    Peace be with your friend.
    Thank you. Very nice of you.

    I am leaving the forums. They aren't what they were. I came here after my divorce about 15 or more years ago. I can't remember the exact dates. It was a life-line. Not any more. So good luck to you Ponder. In all that you do.

  4. #24
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    Re: Autism

    I'm sorry you find us hostile, BB. People who don't have autism can also be affected by aggressive posts.

  5. #25
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    Re: Autism

    Hi Bluebottle. Not meaning to influence you either way but just share is all with maybe the hope it helps you, myself and others similar ... feel more 'ok' Like I thank 'you' for responding! Oh man if I only had a dollar every time I said I was going and in fact often do only to come on back in the hope to meet up with an old friend or two. I do this often in the over at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/forum.php [A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.]

    Now if I just broke the law by linking another anxiety forum, I do apologize and ready to be roasted but in all fairness it was in fact through the latter that I heard about this place and why I am even here. Where I hail from is a ghost town compared to this place. Although in saying that, ghost towns still have appeal. I am willing to keep trying here but will share how and why that is so hard for a fellow like me. BTW the topic of this thread plays largely into how I came into this world. My perspective on said traits, I see more as a limitless ability that plays with well with my strengths. This world from my personal experiences I see as no other than an uncontrollable force that keeps me bound.

    Now whilst it is often often said that none of 'us' (for lack of an appropriate word) are the same (and OH MY to the irony of this world doing all it can to box us 'all' in) the clinical compartmentalization of 'autism' as with that now being on the 'spectrum' with let's say our very good friends of 'aspergers' in many ways highlights just how it is that indeed, we all have many similarities. YET the compulsive desire to dissimilate/separate is something that is in my opinion, who is someone with many labels and many years, something that affects each and everyone living on this anxiety ridden rock! The context here being more the focus on how we overidentify in a world that loves to diagnose. This includes all sides of the equation from the curriculum, worker/busy bees all the way down to the honey suckers. Sorry - I'm trying hard to keep things sweet. Truly, it's a sour world and I oh so get the tone from that which I have read. Connection is everything! It's hard to be indifferent at a time we need it. If only we were really like bee where every time someone stung another, they only got to do it once because as you know once bees do that, it's game over! How much more mindful would we be?

    I guess this plays into the reality of what burning bridges is really about. Thankfully we all have the capacity to rebuild. Even if we are the only ones walking the bridge. Just keep walking because eventually if we do it long enough, we will learn how to connect soon enough. Learn and time perhaps words the trip us up but as long as we just keep taking one step after the other no matter who or what crossed out path, only those that come to matter will eventually show up. We may burn those bridges too but that's OK - because if we just keep walking we get to see just how all along what's inside us has always been good enough.

    Many of these labels are so misunderstood but not as much as the desire to sell them and identify. Like I say, I myself am doubtful of how long I could survive in a place such as this with all things being what they are. No safe space for a journal means many of us are sweet pickings when we start painting 'the world according to GARP.'

    I'm learning when speaking my mind to do so mindfully and do my best to ignore individuals that like to hurt others whilst highlighting how it is that such toxicity is what makes the world insane. Rinse and repeat until there are only a few walking on shared bridges without care if they break or not. Worse comes to worse ... we can stand on eachtoher shoulders all with the mind in taking the next step regardless of what we previously said!

    Edit → Note the division in replies and pay them no mind - it misses the point that we are all one and the same. Moreover, it clings to past transgressions only serving to drag things on. If you reply I hope it's more about my long winded post. Either way I am here. Again - pay those replies no mind. I have all the labels ... but not into Us & Them ... that tact in itself is as hostile to which it alludes. Hope you get the gist. Just focus on what appeals. To me those antics do not. Is the only way to survive in public. Perhaps not so easy for us. Let's practice? I'm always feeling guilty and worthless but it does get better the more we try. The more we move on, the further those accusations fall behind.

    Here - I found the answer in this. From my online Journal. I go now for a walk and try to think of nothing for a while. I hope we cross paths again and or anyone else who feels similar:

    Whose coming?




    Last edited by Ponder; 04-09-21 at 00:02.

  6. #26
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    ____________________

    I'm here now - but again from my reading doubt I will be for long. I don't take kindly to anyone being publicly roasted like that. I suggest you do it in PM - or otherwise you can fence with new comers like me.
    Who is this aimed at?

    You do realise that it's Bluebottle who is being rude to people here?

    Again. Bluebottle knows how to conduct herself/himself on here and you'd see that if you took the time to read his/her historic posts. Pre-diagnosis, they couldn't have been nicer!

    Meanwhile, after DX..

    What a patronising comment. Kindly don't respond to my posts again
    Maybe BB should have taken this to PM instead of publicly sneeping one of the nicest people on here?

    I'd call that a bit of a roasting, friend. Not to mention - uncalled for!

    This isn't about 'intellectual masturbation' or cliques - it's about manners and as far as I know, autistics are not exempt from using them.

    Here's what I do. I ask a question or make a post (not on here, but in FB groups. I thank every person who's taken the time to respond to me (trolls aside) because it's good manners, and it's nice. I know how it feels when my efforts on here are ignored by people and I wouldn't do that to anybody else. So I read that aggressive response to Pulisa and it REALLY bothered me, and here you are seemingly defending that behaviour?

    Pulisa gave her time to try and help and support BB and this is the reply she got. That's Ok is it?

    Well I'm also autistic, and I say it's not OK!
    __________________
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  7. #27
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    Re: Autism

    Thank you for your support, Nora.

    I shouldn't have made that comment. I don't know BB and my judgement was poor. I do agree though that autism- or any diagnosis- shouldn't be seen as an excuse for aggressive online behaviour.

  8. #28
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    Thank you for your support, Nora.

    I shouldn't have made that comment. I don't know BB and my judgement was poor. I do agree though that autism- or any diagnosis- shouldn't be seen as an excuse for aggressive online behaviour.
    I really don't see that you did anything wrong here?
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  9. #29
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    Seeing all this dragging up of past comments shows well the futility of public admonishing.
    I 'dragged up' an historic comment of BB's to illustrate my point that this person KNOWS how to conduct themselves on a predominantly NT public forum.

    More so, that there's a been a distinct difference in attitude after receiving an autistic diagnosis.

    Autism isn't an excuse for being shitty to someone - especially someone who doesn't deserve it.

    'Kindly don't respond to my posts again'

    Rude. Aggressive. Unpleasant. Toxic.

    And you're defending this behaviour because you think being autistic is an automatic 'get out' card?
    __________________
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  10. #30
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    Re: Autism

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post

    Who is this aimed at?

    You do realise that it's Bluebottle who is being rude to people here?

    Again. Bluebottle knows how to conduct herself/himself on here and you'd see that if you took the time to read his/her historic posts. Pre-diagnosis, they couldn't have been nicer!
    Two questions here:
    Who is this aimed at? → "I'm here now - but again from my reading doubt I will be for long. I don't take kindly to anyone being publicly roasted like that. I suggest you do it in PM - or otherwise you can fence with new comers like me." ~ Ponder/Me

    The reason you may be confused as to who that statement is aimed at is because I am careful not to publicly point the finger at any one individual ... regardless of what they say/said or did not. I'm not always that careful but have found it's better to keep things universal. None the less I could of said that better. I can see I have lot's of room for improvement. My apologies.

    Basically I found some of the responses to the subject of interest, to be as vindictive and reactionary to that which others were protesting. (edit ... I know that sounds harsh - It's just how I felt. It's not a personal judgment on how others live their lives.)

    Given my own statement is reactive Vs proactive, I will now mindfully brake it down further since it is now in question.

    When I said 'I am here now' I should of said or was thinking 'as a new forum member reading on'
    When I said 'but again from my reading' This just meant that I had read over the forum in many places. (Not just someone's profile but yea I did that too)
    When I said 'doubt I will be for long.' This end of the first sentence relates to the beginning, meaning in this new light information I am now giving, that as a new forum member having read over much of the forum that I doubt I would stay for long.'

    So basically as a new forum member reading over a number of posts, I found a lot of negative tones where the responses were just as vindictive and reactionary. (As a would be forum creator [myself in the past] this would concern me and why it's a fine line in the knowing of how long to let something drag on - no easy task ... latitude is also needed for growth re all parties involved.)

    When I said 'I don't take kindly to anyone being publicly roasted like that.' This is 100% subjective and says more about me than anyone else. If you had known me back in 2013 when I joined UKAF (UK Anxiety Forum) I struggled very similar to what I took the time to read. I saw myself struggling when reading along. I said I read between the lines. I actually alluded in my post that I had in fact read. But that's OK - I understand when we get riled up with invested emotion that our egos get the best of us and we miss a lot. Srry ... I am losing track. Know that point I just brought up is as much about me. Point is I can so relate, however I know so well how it is with (hmmm I don't want to say 'us' as it plays into the ego game) ... like even now I am sure the urge to defend, to be right and so on is strong for all involved. Let me come back to this ... I'd like to get to find time to address the others

    Lastly when I said 'I suggest you do it in PM - or otherwise you can fence with new comers like me.' The first I feel is warranted, but the last part of that sentence is 100% ego. I should not of ended like that. My bad. Best I can do is take the time to reason as I am now doing. I don't know who is who here, but I do understand a thing or two about public admonishing. I'll get to that but was meant as well intended advice. There is rarely a PRO to allowing such things to drag on. Drama would be one pro as in the same way controversy attracts likes, hits, subs and so no. It's popular but more so at a cost and contaversy can be done when its not fueled within the context I have tried my best to express. It's rare you get people who chime on in to take a stand when seeing it unfold like so. But yea I did and still doing it now. At least I can acknowdele and half curb my tongue. There is always going to be contentious people, culture and personality clashes but that is not what I am talking about. I still struggle myself very much.

    No where did I say having autism is an excuse to talk down to people. In fact I said the opposite. Overidentification is imo just as much an epidemic as whatever label one wishes to associate
    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    I got many labels and care less to use any of them as an excuse. It's this kind of contention that drives people to the brink.
    I rarely use exclamation marks. I am a hell of a lot better than I used to be. I stand by the essence of my reply and whilst my meanings may come off as uncomfortable and it may ease discomfort to justify a reactionary tone when bring up past dealings ... it does little for the rest of the public who are reading who should not have to take the time to read into the past and most of all are better of without it. I mean no malice in that (just re-edited),Is more my observation of how I happened to read it and can only sense there are others who've had to reason with it.
    _______________________________________________
    ______________
    __

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    I'm sorry you find us hostile, BB. People who don't have autism can also be affected by aggressive posts.
    This response will get through. I understand it is for BB. Because it is not vindicate. People who have been deeply abused are easy targets because of their reactive nature. This is mindful and open without sarcasm unless I am reading it wrong. The point is how it works with what's not in it. You - Us - Them - CAPS !!! Past Tense and so on. Without all that ... the sryy comes across as genuine and matters not even if sarcastic which I don't beleive it is. What follows is reason enough. Makes me feel like I am forgiven. : ) ... even though it's not directed at me.

    I can only hope that I am too not seen as hopeless (which I do not beleive BB is - not by a long shot. I understand how those of us that constantly struggle appear to be that way) and I agree I could of said things better here and there. The way this response reads is pretty much what I was trying to do. Yet the task on my mind is usually deep and complex. I understand deep and complex cases differently to others because I am myself a chronic complex case. I understand the need for validation when at such a point so it was that I hit on some hard truths hoping they would be well received as much needed support by someone whom I thought would understand and as well as someone I could sympathize with in a helpful way (I just wanted to help in a way that would be heard by the person I felt mattered) ... but as a cost to myself for not being more able to reason both sides of the coin. Apologies again. I did try and having another go now because I do not wish to alienate myself. I did come here wanting to meet others, however I guess what happened what I saw reminded me of myself and what used to happen in the UKAF. I managed to grow from the experience and did so mainly through the use of making a space to Journal in. Perhaps I can make a positive post on that elsewhere in this forum. The pros and cons as to what happened over there as now that place is like nearly dead. That said, some of us actually find solace in it - but its kind of a two sided affair (love / hate) ... anyways, I often struggle when people use sarcasm. This is a good healthy response [pulisa's response above I mean] and am sure it reached its mark regardless of outcome.
    ____________________

    I've run out of steam here. Sorry if I did not better pull my punches for lack of a more appropriate metaphor. I am not defending toxic behaviour. I guess I am prepping to see how I am going to handle such antics on all sides now having attempted to come back into an active forum. Kudos for allowing so much space for these events. That said, self moderation that evens the keel is pivotal/key.

    BB - if your reading, this was exactly me back in 2013. I know enough not to go reading someone's past. I had pretty much already pegged what was going on. My disruption challenged for not being well read - moreover written. That is not meant with ill intention for those taking offence of me, but more as a point in how I am betting, that yourself BB ... and I ... often miss read others and respond all bent out of shape because of our own unresolved stuff. It can be hard for complex cases to remain indifferent (lack of better word) when it would be a good time to be. I just persisted despite wanting to give up. I stay in the UKAF because I was fortunate enough to meet others who at least could see similar to me. It can be a struggle in an active forum at times with main stream being what it be. Forget about the labels. We really don't need them to identify as humans who've had a bad experience.

    I've made a couple of random posts here already and terrified someone is going to lash out at me. Sometimes we set ourselves up, other times we just stuff it up regardless of well meaning. Best advice I can give it that 'tone' is everything. Yep I screwed up in my replies in here. I was not defending past behaviors as thought of my reply - I've already explained that. I was just trying to reach out was all. For what it is worth I actually read a lot of good things you said. If you feel you are a certain way, you don't need others to tell you what that is or even a diagnosis. We only get those things to fit into boxes. Of course it's not quite as back and white as that. I don't know the history, but a lot of what you did say minus what has upset others shows you know quite a lot. Sometimes we just go to try harder to be read.

    Final Tips re Communicating online for both you and I bb [at least for us [just broke my rule with us and them but I deem appropriate because I still like you ... as well as the others ... read bellow] ... if I may or if I have enough Character left:

    *Do our best to refrain from using exclamation marks "!" Use later when we have a good habit of seeing just how misread they are.
    *Also avoid using CAPS ... often read the same as !!!
    *Be careful using the terms - Us & Them - We & They and especially 'You' as well as 'Need' This is a grey area as once you build rapport/ a relationship then yea such talk can be used to connect, however in be beginning it can easily trigger under a group mentality pretext, to which imho plays largely into separatist thinking. Is hard to explain.

    Tone - Play some music that is settling/calm and at a level where you can still here your thoughts as you make your post.
    EDIT - Don't be afraid of editing after you have posted. I do it often ... almost all the time. Consider the impact your words will have. I know I messed up but I do often try. Those that knew me back in 2013 and know me know - whilst I still have my hang-ups - I am way more understood when I write. I still upset people with my take, but the difference is I am not as insane as I used to be. Is OK for those that don't understand my needs or the way I be.

    That's it. Just trying to help and again I stand by all I said. Just keep keeping on as best you can. Do some of the above really helped myself. I can't say enough good things about Journaling.

    Anyways - if you have not been banned (I know that one well too) there is no reason you can't post whatever when your feeling better. Depending on how I am received I may or may not be here. It's a fair bet you will find my in the other forum in my journal where it's much easier to express without upsetting others. Such is a personal space open to those who don't mind reading often do. Which comes to my last tip ...

    When not in our own personal space, that's when we need to proactive more of the tips above.

    Sorry peeps - I did not really mean to upset. For the most part I tired to use most of my own tips on a topic that was very confronting for me.

    My bridge is open. No one really owns it. It mostly always is and anyone is welcome to cross it. I'll leave it at that.

    Here comes first edit ... Oh crap {it's an art learning when to use *&^%} - be careful of bolding as well. and also laughing out loud + using emotes ... all these things can mess with peoples heads. Use them but be mindful .. Humor helps even when not known how to do well. All the best with that.
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-09-21 at 22:08.

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