Okay, new thread: anxiety AND depression
I've just seen my doctor. I love my doctor so I was hoping it would be a positive experience; the therapist I've started seeing suggested that I go and see him as well.
Well, the second I told him that I was on accutane and very nervous about side effects, he seemed to shift in his seat. I got the impression he was very much willing to believe this medication had done this to me. As I am afraid of side effects anyway, that wasn't reassuring!
Medically, I have high cholesterol (probably due to the medication) and high blood pressure (probably due to the anxiety). Of course, neither of these things are helping my anxiety! Then of course I have all the other fears - that I'm going to develop something internally, that I'm going to lose all my hair, that I'm going to get arthritis, etc. etc.
Mentally, I go from feeling almost fine to totally anxious/frantic to really low and unmotivated to do anything. It changes constantly and can even change from one to the other over the course of a day on extreme days.
Thing is, I definitely felt similar before I started the accutane. There was less anxiety I think because I didn't have something to latch my anxiety onto - obviously my HA was triggered because I found a whole bunch of horror stories on the net (I have a past of HA but it was dormant for awhile). I definitely had some depression though - unmotivated to do anything and lots of crying spells.
Anyway. My doc has referred my to a psychiatrist to see next month. I see him again next week and have weekly therapy appointments. HE thinks I have anxiety and depression but he's not sure which I have more of, so he's wanting to reach out to both the psychiatrist and my therapist. He's not sure if I need a long term medication or if this will all just "go away" once I quit the accutane in a month, another reason I'm supposed to meet with the psychiatrist. He's also prescribed me an as-needed medication: hydroxyine? Not sure if that's right.
In the meantime, I'm an emotional wreck and I feel like a total headcase. I hate myself right now, I really do. I can't believe I sunk this low.
I feel like I need to face this now because it may be harder in the future: I'm a student now, so I have a bit more of a flexible schedule, am still on my parent's insurance, and have access to university support. I'm just quite scared honestly I don't know why this is so hard.
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