I'm embarassed that I'm doing a Masters Degree in CBT and I still have SA

[marycc]

That's it. I'm 22 and I have been suffering from Social Anxiety for as long as I can remember, since I was about 5 years old, I guess.
I decided that I wanted to study Psychology in college because I want to help other people, especially people who suffer from Anxiety. However, I still haven't been able to help myself.

I saw a therapist 4 or 5 times and then I quit, because I felt embarassed, due to the fact that I'm studying Psychology. Basically I'm afraid she would judge me. Now that I'm doing the Masters Degree, I stopped completely and I feel like have been "sinking" in that feeling of embarassement. All my colleagues seem so stable and confident and I'm always afraid and self councious whenever I'm around them.

Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough during the first semester and I avoided going to college many times, I didn't attend a lot of my classes and that had a reprecussion on my grades, of course.

The 2nd semester started last week and it started the worst way possible. I don't have anyone to talk to, I feel like an alien around there, because I haven't connected with anyone and they already have a negative impression of me because there's only 20 people in our class and of course they have noticed that I missed a lot of classes.
Two girls turned their heads back when I had to talk in one of the classes, then looked at each other and laughed. Then, the girls I used to work with in group works last semester, didn't include me in their group in one of the classes, they didn't even give me a chance, and I think I worked well, had my work done in time, and was responsible.

Tomorrow I have to go to college, I know I have to, I'm trying to force myself but it's so hard, right now I feel sick just thinking about it. I'm afraid I can't do it.

Anyway... I just wanted to vent and to know if there's anybody else in my situation, someone who is studying psychology and suffers from SA

[.Poppy.]

I'm not really in your position, but it's just awful when people are nasty in upper level courses like that.

I'm currently working on my second degree and am shy in class, but never have I had a course where the teacher wanted us to break up into small groups and I wasn't able to get in one - people were always more than willing to let me join. Last semester, though, I was sitting next to a girl and her two guy friends and asked if I could partner up with them as there wasn't anyone else nearby...the girl just rolled her eyes and they flat out ignored me. I ended up just doing the assignment solo and handing it in. It wasn't a high stakes assignment - I can't understand how people could be so rude.

Ultimately, in your case, I think having dealt with anxiety yourself will make you more relatable to the people you want to help. My current therapist for example has taken the same medication I'm so worried about now and understands anxiety as well and it has really helped me to open up to her and be more honest.

I do think you need to find a way to get yourself some support - therapy, doctors, etc. - and try to feel a little more stable yourself before you actively start advising others. I know you can find a way out of this, and I know too that once you do you'll be an awesome therapist. You just need to find your way out of the maze before you start leading others out.

Is there a way you can find a new therapist to talk to? Or someone else to get the ball rolling? I promise they won't judge you - people in the mental health field often see therapists themselves. I remember someone once telling me it was encouraged as it can be a stressful profession. Anxiety, particularly social anxiety, is very common and no one will think less of you for having it and wanting to find a way to cope with it - that's very strong, and commendable.

And hey - at the end of the day you'll have a much better insight than those nasty girls in your class anyway.

[MyNameIsTerry]

They sound like very immature girls (not women), Mary. It's unpleasant to be on the receiving end of it but it is much better to be a good person (even with anxiety) than a nasty bullying type.

You don't need to feel embarrassed about your choice of education or therapy because of your SA. Many people in mental health roles have come from having mental health disorders, I've met some and there are some on here. The last person to be judgemental would be a therapist or counsellor, it's one of the strongest person values they need to do that work. Besides, think about all the things they hear day in, day out.

It's just like how people are embarrassed about letting a doctor examine their private parts due to physical problems. But doctors do that millions of times in their careers, it's as standard to them as scanning a tin of ham through a till would be to someone on a check out.

Also, when did having a degree treat a disorder? You are learning about the mind but changing it is a different story. You could read every text ever written but how would that cure an anxiety disorder? It will undoubtedly help you work on it but without the work you are still an anxiety disorder sufferer.

[pinkroxy04]

You know what. I have a friend who was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 12, anorexia and bulimia. She also has an intense phobia of gaining weight. She went through many years of treatment, counselling and CBT. She is now a qualified psychologist, recovered but still struggles with negative thoughts and feelings alongside the phobia of gaining weight. She helps others with eating disorders, she is passionate about it and succeeding very well.
I think you will be the same and you have something very special, you have the actual experience of anxiety so I think you will be able to help those more. So I wouldn't feel embarrassed in fact teach others it is ok to feel that way at times because it happens even to the best of us.

[swgrl09]

Hi Mary, I don't suffer from SA, but I have health anxiety and depression and I currently work as a therapist. It can definitely be done! I have come to see it as my strength in the work that I do because I can empathize and have a lot of compassion for the people who come in to see me. I think it helps me to be more helpful to them having been on "both sides of the desk" so to speak.

I have gone through a lot of therapy myself and actually my master's program highly encouraged all of us to get our own therapy to be better equipped to help others. There was no shame in a lot of us having our own mental health concerns.

I think the most important thing is to have an advisor who you can trust and be honest with. They were able to really help me understand how to work through my own issues with regard to my work. I also had a great therapist who was not judgmental AT ALL, in fact was happy to have another person in the field coming in and doing the work. She was a huge asset to me.

So please don't let your own SA hold you back. It is a STRENGTH as a therapist as long as you have awareness of it.

[lilxe]

Hi there, I study psychology as part of my course at university and I suffer from social anxiety !

Please do not feel as though you are not capable enough, in fact I think experiencing anxiety yourself is actually beneficial if you are wanting to help others with the same issue as you will have increased empathy for future clients with the same disorder so you have an advantage here.

However, the difference with you is that you are learning strategies to overcome anxiety to help others, therefore probably have an enhanced awareness of how to control your own to some extent now.

Although you may not ever get rid of your feelings of social anxiety you can learn to have control over them through the particular techniques you learn on the course. I myself have found that I still have anxious/paranoid thoughts and feel physically anxious through my course, I have learnt to have some degree of control over them by simply recognizing that they are just thoughts that are a product of having an anxious disorder, so just because you have these feelings of anxiety it does not mean you should not be on your chosen career path, anyone (anxious or not) who is willing to learn ways to help overcome anxiety is worthy and capable (the fact that you feel inadequate is another layer of your anxiety maybe???)

All the best

xxx