Sheer fear dread and panic

[elik]

I have never looked so immensely at my anxiety, as much as I am now. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am beyond help, I've cemented this in my thinking and regardless what I do I will have to fight bad habits etc off for the rest if my life which I cannot and will not do. I feel completely hopeless, paralysed by fear and immensely trapped in myself and the feeling of trauma that my past anxiety has given me. I can't just erase ten years of my life with therapy? I know the darkness I've been in and horrifying thoughts I've had. I can't get away from that, and I use such things as negative coping strategies but it's horrific and unbearable

[Chocolateface]

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this, why do you feel you won't let go of your way of thinking. I think that as you have recognised what you do you are able to change it if you want to, it will take time but if you want to do it then you can

Clare

[elik]

I worry it won't change because I've fallen into the same traps for the last ten years, even if I change my ways for permanent I feel I will be pulled back purely because I'm scarred by them and they induce anxiety immediately.

[Oosh]

So you're worried you'll have set backs ?

Come on, even you can see that worry isn't standing on very stable ground. Poke that stupid little worry right in its face.

Things will try and trip you up, until they no longer do. Develop a problem solving, overcoming attitude and become good at dismissing these little worries.

You can't get away from the horrifying thoughts you've had ? Why not ? What are you telling yourself that for ? I manage to shrug it off so I'm sure you can. I went through it for longer than ten years. Step back and take a look at how you're seeing things eli.

[elik]

The thing is I know my perseption is twisted but its still there, i cant shake it, its like some twisted comfort blanket because I'm used to it. I feel uncomfortable not worrying about it like I should be. I feel they are my coping mechanisms these stuck irrational intrusive thoughts. It's like I want to seek them out and test them and get in a state. I feel like its too late to start again, like its hard programmed into me.

[Jem21]

I have thought exactly like this before, like you will always seek it out but that's not true it's just anxiety fueling the fear. Have you tried medication, that helped me enormously.

[elik]

I have been on medications and currently changing over but am worried because it's my thoughts causing the anxiety, the medication won't rid of my thoughts? I Also started hypnotherapy today. I'm just desperate now. I look at my past and am petrified that's my future. It's like I know I can get myself out of this blip but then feel from evidence it's my coping mechanism for future anxiety and worry as it's so deeply cemented. I'm just going round and round in circles and have no idea how to break out.

[Chocolateface]

But they are just thoughts the thought itself can't harm you, try to remember it is only a thought

[elik]

I know they're just thoughts but these just thoughts have destroyed me for so long and I feel like a lost cause drowning with them. It's such a tortured existence. Just by my what if brain and my thoughts going round and round. I'm completely traumatised by this.