Re: Fear of being alone
Hi guys,oh boy i am so glad i found this thread..I dont think i realised,until the last few days ,just how much i rely on others to to things,well to be /do anything!! oh gosh i hope i dont ramble now,as i am all over the place having been in a constant state of panic for the last 24 hours[first time in a long time]all the old reactions kicked in,valium, brandy. I think this is because my youngest child has left home,my middle one left last october,so pretty quick really to be left alone.My partner works permanent nights so night time has become horrible.Thinking about it,i went everywhere with my daughter,my recovery to date has so much to do with her gentle heart and understanding of her manic mum.ooo i miss her,crying like a loon now We went to town together,she knew it was my greatest fear[still is and would NEVER go alone]i thought i was doing it for her,but it was for me i think,a glimpse at normality.Though,bless her,most times i would be sweating and ringing my hands and wanting to run...she would take me into a a pub ,get me a pint and just talk gently till i calmed down Since she moved out ,i have started to feel ill again,my stomach is really painful and my IBS has come back with avengence Last night i was sooo bad [sure i was gunna die!]my parner had to come back from work at 1am to reassure me ,and himself too.I called him and was rambling on about not wanting to be on my own ,how frightened i was.[poor bloke ]So this is the next part of my journey i guess,learning to be physicaly on my own!Like Emma,i have no friends to call to talk too,they left as soon as i started with anxiety attacks,they simply did not understand.I realise i became too reliant on my daughter.We have such fun tho,she is a shining light in a rather dark exsistence at times.My partner is good with me too,but we only see each other to go anywhere on saturdays really.At least i do go places now,where as before i would not go out at all.I have beaten a lot of my demons,this isa new one for me to battle.Thanks for listening,just a really bad time at the moment.Love Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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