2016 - the year from hell

[fishman65]

I rarely post on the forums, either in support of others or myself. Its something I need to address.

However, I'm a carer for my wife who has a fine collection of illnesses including epilepsy, crohns disease, chronic fatigue syndrome and rheumatoid arthritis. We struggle on together but recent years have seen her retreat further from the general dynamics of the domestic scene.

On the 24th of February, my wife's mother sadly passed away. Her death was sudden but not altogether a shock as she had oedema in her legs and feet and had been suffering with heart problems with increasingly poor mobility. As you can likely imagine, the impact of her death is now sinking in after the rush of clearing her flat so as to free it up for a new tenant.

My Dad is 86 and has angina with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. In the last couple of years he has become more dependent on me, despite my having an older brother who lives 4 miles closer to my Dad than I do. My sister has the excuse of about 80 miles so he can't really call on her in an emergency. He phoned this afternoon to say his TV had packed up. I was about to go over when my wife suggested he call a repair man, a good point and anyway TVs are generally scrapped now rather than repaired because a new one is not much more in terms of cost than a repair.

My wife had a blood test yesterday and the results are showing she may need to come off her rheumatoid arthritis medication due to its effect on her liver. Quite where her treatment goes from there I don't know as RA can't be left to run amok. Our son split from his wife in November, got together with another girl but is now back with his wife. Oh and the clutch is slipping on the car and I've developed ear problems which haven't been solved by syringing.

Anyway the anxiety has taken full advantage and I feel like I'm slipping back to the bad old days. I think the only thing keeping me afloat is the maximum dose venlafaxine and mirtazapine. I feel pulled in all directions and have today told my wife I can't go to the funeral of my mother-in-law. I 'could' go but would need to drink alcohol and have very dark memories of bad anxiety mixed with booze. I've kept telling myself I mustn't have anxiety in the lead up to the funeral because of exactly that. I also need to learn to say no and stop worrying about what other people think. And yet here I am posting my situation to find out what you guys think?

[Carnation]

Firstly Fishman65

Secondly. Don't do anything you don't want to do!!!!!

It's no secret that Anxiety feeds on things that we don't want to do.

And if you don't go, don't feel guilty. You have a good enough reason not to, you have a lot on your plate, and you must prevent any further anxiety for your own wellbeing.

I would suggest you plant a rose in memory if you can and have closure that way.

I wish you well.

[Superworrier]

Hey

[fishman65]

Thank you Carnation and Sharon for you both.

Guilt is what I'm good at Carnation but I have to do what's right for me this time. The anxiety is telling me 'enough'. I might well plant a rose, I like my gardening

[Magic]

I agree with what the other members on here have said fishman.
You cannot be everything to everybody.
and please do not feel guilty

[Superworrier]

Your a great guy always putting others first .

magic is right ypu can't be everything to everybody

[fishman65]

Shucks you guys embarrass me

[pulisa]

You have a hell of a lot on your plate, Fishman and you know when your anxiety is getting the better of you. As a fellow carer I know how easy this is to happen. You must protect yourself and your mental health at all costs and if this means saying no to things then so be it. I also feel the guilt but know that I made the best decision. Please plant your rose and remember your wife's mother in your own special way-you don't need to attend a funeral to pay your respects.

[fishman65]

Thank you pulisa your words mean a lot to me. Sometimes we need to hear vindication from our fellow anxiety buddies, today was another very tough day with surges of high anxiety. One was in the pharmacy but I waited a full 20 minutes for my wife's tablets despite it being busy. It was torture but a victory.

Mother-in-law's funeral is this Thursday at 11 15am. The funeral cars leave town at 10 30 so if I went and had the necessary alcohol it would mean starting on it around 9 30am. That would take me back 20 odd years to the bad old days so not going is the right thing.

[pulisa]

Waiting for anything can be sheer agony but well done for getting through the torture! You've done absolutely the right thing-you know what is right for you and managing anxiety is absolutely essential in your demanding role as a carer. We need to keep our heads above the water at all times and this is incredibly stressful in itself. Any added anxiety on top of the norm is just so detrimental.