What have I done so wrong?

[nomorepanic]

Hi Minny - I think I was posting the same time as you before.

Sorry about all the deaths - that is a lot to cope with in such a short space of time and cancer is such a horrid way to die. We watched Alex's (my partner) dad die of it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Must have been so terrible to see it over and over again.

Good luck on the hunting ok?

Nicola

[Meg]

Many cancers that are deemed untreatable in terms of recovery have made huge strides in managing the illness pallitively so that having cancer leading to death is no longer a long or painful process.

Pan clinics and hospices and Mcmillan nurses have made such a difference and the sooner they are involved, the better for the patient and the family.






Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[nomorepanic]

Meg

I agree wholeheartedly. Alex's dad was in a hospice and it was a lovely place, very peaceful and they offered the visitors everything they could want, including free food. There were cooking facilities, dishwashers, washing machines etc and I used to use the facilities there to cook Alex's dad a home-cooked meal.

They do such a fantastic job of making people as comfortable as they can.

Nicola

[nomorepanic]

Lilac

Sorry we took over your post a bit there.

How are things today? [^]

Nicola

[lilac kitten]

Guys,

Thank you all so much for your replies.

Minny - I am so sorry to read about your Dad. I lost mine suddenly earlier this year to an anurarism (sp?). You could try contacting NORCAP - they have a web site. They helped me and they were brilliant.

I think the reason this man is being protective is because the kids come from a bad background and will never see their birthfamily again. I accept that - infact I thought their parents were dead so would never have suggested tracing them. Trouble is he knows my background and is probably wary that I will talk about it to them and encourage them to want to go back - which is totally not the case. I accept their situation. However they will still have questions. This girl said she was bullied for being adopted and that she hated that - I just reassured her she and the parents she has now are special and that she should talk to her parents about it. How can that be so wrong.

I just hate the way that people never talk to me as an equal, as an adult. People who know me well say others are afraid of me because I hold a good conversation and know a lot about nothing - if you know what I mean. I've been through a lot in life, I'm a caring person and so want to be everybodies friend - but I guess sometimes I try too hard and people see cracks in my confidence and strike thinking I'm hard enough to take it - but truth is I'm a bit softy who just wants to be liked.

I don't really get to network like the other parents do because I work full time. They are all in high paid jobs with loads of money, and although my partner and I both work, we don't ever have much spare cash after paying for childcare.

I am approachable, and I think other peoples parents have issues with that. One young lad told him mum he wished she could be more like me because I took him and my sons to the park and joined in playing football and let them have an icecream. She told me what he'd said and said she wasn't happy as she felt I was better than her. But she was honest with me and we discussed it. I think the other parents maybe feel the same - it has been commented on that we always are doing things with our children like playing basket ball, riding bikes and fun things. The other parents just seem to spend time cutting grass, decorating and cleaning their cars at weekends. We still do all that, but its important to find time I think to have fun.

Sorry I've gone on enough, but thanks again for cheering me up. Nic, thats the first time I ever did a chat room ever - it was good fun thanks.

Also, if anyone wants to talk about adoption and feelings please feel free to mail me, I'm not a qualified counceller, but sometimes like with panic and anxiety it just helps to talk to others.

See ya,
Ruth

[minny]

Hey Lilac!

Thanks for your concern about my dad and its good to see you sounding positive. You sound like a great mum too! Infact, if you ever get fed up of the job you're in... come and work with me! I get paid for playing with play-doh and finger painting! lol!

Stay strong and positive!

Minny..xx

Ps... thanks for the NORCAP tip! Ill take a look!

[Caz Fab Pants]

Lilac,

Not sure where you live or which school your children attend but it doesn't sound like the parents are a very welcoming bunch!!!? You sound like a very dedicated mother who has fallen victim to a common case of envy from what you've said. Dont let them make you feel bad, hold your head up with the knowledge that you are actively raising happy, healthy children.

Try not to let this situation with your neighbours get to you anymore than it has already. It probably wont be easy as they live so close but with a bit of luck it will blow over in time.

Minny - Sorry to hear about all the upset and loss you and your family have had to endure recently. Hope you stike it lucky for your dad's sake. Let us know how it goes.

Caroline
x