Recently

[DevilsAngel]

So recently, ive been pretty bad with depression and anxiety.

I say recently, its the past 5weeks. I cant say I know exactly whats caused it to kick off. Work contributed, that god awful feeling that everyone hates you, youre making silly mistakes and thinking "omg omg! im gunna get fired" sad fact is part of me wants to get fired, but then, as much as being there contributed to how low ive become (again as this isnt the first nor last time ill get like this) I miss working, it was my main source of connection with the outside world. Now im just poor and depressed.

Its getting steadily worse as the days pass, I can see the signs a lot better now than when I was a teenager. Im heading straight for the land of suicidal thoughts and feeling...how do the drs put it? A sense of being better off dead etc.

I been the docs, theyve changed my medication, 4th trys a charm yes? Im being re-referred for therapy, but ive never found therapy helps.

But in sinking fast, I feel as if someone has died, and then I realise, its me im the one dying, bit by bit.

[shiznit76]

what meds are you on and what have you tried before? Therapy never helped me much either

[DevilsAngel]

sertraline, citralopran, fluoxetine, and now on mirtazapine but doesnt seem to do much other than make me sleep.

[shiznit76]

same as me, fluoxetine, citalopram,venlafaxine and now escitlaoprma, and none have done a jot. Going back on Monday see what doc says. How long you been like this?

[DevilsAngel]

My mum says that I showed signs of panic attacks and anxiety from a really early age like 7 or so, same with depression teachers in school flagged it up. Im now 28 coming up to 29. Feels like ive always been this way. Only started getting help from about 17yo.

Yeah im back on Monday with my doc, though work is putting pressure on me going back on monday. Im not very good at saying no, so have avoided telling them I wont be back in.

[shiznit76]

sounds like almost exact same as me, having suffered since a kid. So have i, but would say getting worse now (im 39). Back at doc tomorrow and my wife coming with me so we can try get some sort of help to sort things out

[DevilsAngel]

My partner has been with me to the docs in an attempt to help him see what happens there, hes also been to CBT with me, he still struggles a lot, and has to bite his tongue in order to not ask "whats caused it" or "are you ok?" Its hard for him, it adds a lot to my guilt in all honesty, he puts up with a lot from me.

Yeah very young age, it was at its worst in my teens, before I got help, self harming, suicide attempts to escape it all, but hey im still here and fighting, though sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I wasnt.

I dont know if I can describe mine as getting worse as I got older, it frustrates me more now im older cause I feel I should be able to control it by now. Or have a solution to it, but I feel no closer to being "fixed"

[shiznit76]

has doc suggested any other meds? I've did CBT too, but my issue doesn't seem to stem from anything, it's like genetic, so think i'll need meds to sort myself out

[DevilsAngel]

Not yet ive only just changed to these ones, I have a review tomorrow to see how im getting on with them.

Yeah im the same CBT seems to be about trying to find the cause and then going from there, but as I didnt have a traumatic childhood, no major incidents happened they then focused on how I think about things and basically being told to change the way I think. Though, I dont think its as easy as changing the way I think.

My partner is convinced the meds are a placebo, im not so sure cause I get side effects, just not the end result.

These meds jut make me sleepy, but I still dont sleep through the night, they just help me fall asleep.

[shiznit76]

How long were you on the other meds?