Trivial comment snowballed into deep depression

[char12]

I spend the weekends with my boyfriend and the last couple have been pretty crappy due to arguing. I look forward to seeing him and he's one of the only things that make me happy. After talking things through we were fine and having a really nice weekend.

A big issue at the moment is that we're both living with his parents after coming out of uni and saving up to move out. I always go to his, so I see a lot of his parents. His mum still treats him like a child, is very controlling and seems to condescendingly talk about us to other family members whilst we're in the room like we're still teenagers whilst I bite my tongue. So today she burst into his room and said "Have you still not seen your mum today?!" because it's mothers day. I'd left a card and gift at home but we don't really celebrate anything but birthdays and I just didn't know what to say and due to my anxiety talking to people, what was really a trivial thing to say turned into me feeling like I'd been shouted at like a child and couldn't defend myself.

After a massive drop in my mood, I ended up telling my boyfriend and told him I was going to go home. He said he'd walk me home which upset me even more that he wasn't even that bothered about me staying, because he would probably just play on his video games. He said he felt at fault and didn't know what he could do, and I was told him he wasn't to blame but I really just wanted to feel better and spend more time together instead of going home, I was just so irrational. I ended up walking home crying because we were having such a nice time and it'd been ruined and tonight we'd usually be spending time together and we're not- I'm just at home feeling awful. I was even pathetically waiting, hoping he'd turn around to catch me up and tell me to stay. I felt like just nothing goes right for me and I just feel like I've irrationally blown up and I'm just a burden. My negative thoughts and actions and memories were just snowballing until I felt o awful and numb.

I have no idea how something so small could have affected me like this. Now I want to be alone, yet want to be with him, and he feels at fault, and I don't want him to.. it's all just a massive mess of feelings. He text me after saying he loved me and all i could text back was that I was "so so sad". Now I feel guilty and pathetic because I don't want him to pity me. What is wrong with me?

[DevilsAngel]

Phone him. I dont believe that you can talk it out via text cause theres no feeling in it, no tone etc. Tell him all this, explain you know he probably didnt mean anything by it but its still upset and hurt you. If you dont talk to him about it, youre just going to drive yourself crazy with it. You'll feel so much better speaking to him. We always do this, push away hoping they "care enough" to pull, when really, they think theyre doing the right thing.

Please, phone him.

[lior]

I know how you feel. It's all a muddle, right? I've had moments like the one you're going through a lot.

It sounds like it's a lot to do with the situation you're in, living with his mother. The circumstances are not pleasant. Maybe in this moment he didn't mind too much that you weren't going to be there, because he did want to play video games. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to play video games. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. He probably wasn't that affected by his mum being super presumptive with you because he's used to it - not as affected as you, anyway. It's hard to see what's going on in a situation when you're in it.

From what you've said, it sounds like there's much more of a problem with your relationship with his mother than with him. It sounds like she is treating you like a child - someone who she can tell what to do - someone who shouldn't talk back to her. But you can talk back to her. You don't have to accept her talking to you in a way that you don't like. As an adult, you can renegotiate your relationship living with an adult in a family home. She probably doesn't know how to treat you, either, so she treats you like a child. If you speak up to her, she might start treating you like the adult you are. It can take time to shift the relationship, but it's possible. Maybe you and your boyfriend can work out together how to change how you both treat her, so that she'll respond differently to you.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's really between you & your mum, it's not really her business whether you have given her a card & present and besides...if your mum doesn't want them, that's all that counts.

Have you considered talking to your mum about this to get an opinion of a parent involved?

It sounds like some boundaries need to be discussed BUT she could have thought she was helping or just talks that way so she may temper this a bit if she knows it is detrimental to you. There is nothing else to go on than this one event so it's hard to say anything about her attitude in general towards you because it could be a mixture of her and your sensitivity too and we would be making assumptions.