I just can't do this anymore, it's persistent. I have a full time job in surviving and getting through the day. I can honestly say I see no way out because if there is I always find a way of putting myself back here. I'm scared by myself, how I get to feeling out of control, how I let thoughts completely traumatise me even when I can't get answers from over thinking a selection of thoughts for over ten years I still find the same ones just as haunting as I did before, thinking that this time its worse than ever. I can't catch a break, I don't know how to live without thinking obsessively over something horrendous. I don't have the evidence behind me to know that I am capable of being 'normal'. I feel like shutting myself in a room until I die so I don't feel unsafe or put anyone else out of their way.