Telling family about panic

[Fay13]

So, I am just wondering how (or even if) anyone has discussed their panic attacks with their family? I am 24, and have lived away from home since I went to university 6 years ago. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, but I think it was going on for a couple of years before that. (Sorry about the long post)

The reason I am feeling like I should say something to my parents now is that my mum's 50th birthday is coming up and my dad and sisters want to arrange a whole day out in London, including a trip to the theatre. There is really no way I can handle that right now but my dad is getting really angry at me for being reluctant to arrange it with my sisters, saying I'll ruin my mum's birthday if I don't sort it out. I generally struggle with long train journeys, and the underground, and would definitely struggle in the theatre. Normally I try to not avoid things, but on a whole family day like this there would be little opportunity for me to take time/space if needed and I just can't see it going well.

The reason I am reluctant to tell my parents is because I'm not sure how they would react. I have always thought of my parents as very understanding but about a year ago I was having dinner with them and my mum was asking about some of my old school friends. One of the girls she asked about has just been sectioned for the third time with quite severe mental healthy issues and when I explained this to her, my mum said that she was grateful her children were all "sensible". I queried what she meant and she said that there must be some choice in mental illness as, if it was all chemical, they'd be able to treat it with drugs all the time, and they cant. I didn't challenge her as much as I should have on this, partly because I was basically speechless that someone could have an opinion like that, but it means I am slightly apprehensive that I will tell them and get a reaction along the lines of "well you should just get over it."

Has anyone else had issues with parents not being very understanding, and how you do you deal with events that your panic effects, but where you don't feel you can explain to those around you the situation. I am very open with my panic attacks and anxiety in the rest of my life, most of my friends know, as does my work place.

Thanks

[LittleMissAlone]

I've put up something similar. I'm twice your age, and it doesn't get easier! My mum has been reasonable but my dad really isn't, seemingly thinking that if he's annoyed I'll be better. I've not been well since October and am finally getting meds sorted so I'm hopeful that I'm coming out of it. I've been nervy since my 20s so you'd think they'd be used to it.

The London trip sounds incredibly daunting to anyone with anxiety. It may be that you simply can't do it, in the same way that you couldn't if you'd got a migraine or broken a leg. Try to get them to see this. Your mums birthday will be really ruined if the trip is torture for you. Put yourself first. You didn't choose to have this illness, but your family can choose to be understanding.

Hope that's useful. Good luck!

[NoraB]

I think it would be worth sitting down with your parents and explaining the situation. Sure, your mum sounds like she has a misinformed idea of mental health issues but education can help there and if any of my children came to me and said they had a problem, I would make it my business to find out everything about it to get a better understanding. Maybe this will be the case once your mum knows it's her own daughter who is suffering?

I agree with Little Miss Alone - If you really feel that you are unable to make the trip, then it would be unfair on yourself (and others) to do so. Sometimes you have to put yourself first so try not to feel bad about it. Accept that this is the situation and you can't help it and in not going, you are also thinking of others as you don't want to ruin the day.

I hope your family come good for you and give you the support that you need.

All the best

[Suziewuzie]

I think if you say exactly what you just posted, they'll totally understand. It might make you feel better too knowing you have another support network on board if you ever need it.
My parents are very understanding so I can't really offer advice, though they are somewhat "Shut up and get on with it" type of people I think that actually helps me sometimes!

[Tyke]

You can never know how parents will react. My parents were never that understanding when it came to mental health issues. I always wished I could swap it for a physical one. I gave up trying to explain in the end, but I think my parents were particularly bad with this one. When family obligations arose which required long journeys etc, I would fake a physical illness as that was more acceptable to them. There is no reason to think your parents would behave like this though - I think mine was a 'worse case' scenario.

My gut feeling is that you have to be honest and give your family a chance to understand. It gives them an opportunity to be supportive and maybe something could be arranged that you could cope better with? I doubt they would want to exclude you on your Mum's 50th, even if they did struggle to understand panic disorders initially. Whatever happens, it will help to know what they feel about your situation, even if you do need to re-educate them a bit.