My Citalopram Journey

[Jem21]

I thought i would use this as a place to put my thoughts and also use as a record to see how far i'm coming along.

You could say i'm a bit of a cit veteran, i'm not actually sure how many times i've been on it but it's quite a few to to the fact i've lost count. This is the only AD i've ever tried and it's always worked for me so fingers crossed it will again. I'd been quite happy on 20mg of cit for the last 10 months, but due to a crappy few days full of agitation as i wasn't feeling well as couldn't explain why, my doctor wanted to increase me to 40mg. Knowing what a big jump that is i talked him into letting me just increase to 30 and to see how i went.

Well it's been exactly 6 weeks today on 30 and what a ride it's been and not pleasant to say the least. The day after i increased my dose i found out i have skin cancer, a sarcoma to be precise. Extremely rare and i'm only the 45th person in the world to have this type. I couldn't tell you if the next couple of weeks the increased anxiety were due to the meds or the fact i didn't know what was going to happen, a bit of both i suspect. I then found out that it's totally treatable as it's low grade and in my tissue and not cells and i'm going in today to have any remaining skin cells removed. I'm not actually that worried about it, weirdly i'm more concerned with the head, nose, jaw and ear pressure i've been experiencing. I've been on cit before because of these problems and it seemed to sort itself after a few weeks but 6 weeks on the increase it's still here. i've self diagnosed it hundreds of times and changed my mind by the hour what it is, of course winding myself up in the process. I've thought my meds were too high, the too low, the not working at all. My brain had raced at a thousand miles an hour and it's been a bumpy ride.

I've decided that i am going to stick to the 30mg until the 8 week mark, my doctor has given me some antibiotics as he thinks it may be an infection and i am booking an appointment at the dentist as jaw problems can cause pressure and aches in the places i am having them. I am also aware that cit can cause jaw clenching but i've never had this symptom like this before so if it turns out that the dentist is fine and the antibiotics don't work then i may have to look at another AD. i've also been offered CBT and i've never tried this before so going to give it a go.

The anxiety was horrific yesterday but today it seems a bit quieter like it's in the background. Feel very on edge and keep checking myself constantly to see how i feel.

I'm going to go out shortly to get my son a card and presents as it's his birthday tomorrow (he's 12) before i get ready to go into hospital for my surgery, my mum is taking me and they said i should be out for 6pm so i'm looking forward to the family having to run around after me for the next few days http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/smilies/yesyes.gif

Till later.

[Jem21]

Well, very scared to say this but today has been one of the best days i've had since upping my dose. The anxiety has been very under the surface on and off but not like it has been. It's like i'm waiting for it all to kick off at any moment and it hasn't. My mind also seems a bit clearer, no racing thoughts and the scary thoughts i have had i seem to have been able to go past and dismiss a lot easier. I am praying this is the increase starting to work and that it continues into tomorrow.

The hospital went really well today and my op went great, i was in and out in 3 hours and the surgeon was lovely. Have to go back in a week and get the dressing changed and then go back a week later for the results. The surgeon was very positive that he thinks they have it all so fingers crossed. Had a tired spell in the hospital but it passed and i was actually laughing with the staff in the operating room. Came home and got settled in bed and we ordered pizza. Had an unsettled feeling in my tummy since i've gotten home but no big anxiety. Also been noticing how much i'm clenching my jaw.

I'm a bit worried that i need to rest up for a few days as i like to try and keep busy when i'm like this so really hope i continue how i've been today into tomorrow.

[Jaysmd]

Fingers crossed for you. Keep us updated

[Suziewuzie]

Glad you had a good day Jem & really hope it continues today

[Jem21]

Well yesterday seems to have continued into today, my mind feels calm still which is good news. The numb feeling or no feelings at all thing has passed totally now which is soo nice. Still some anxiety under the surface and i'm still checking to see how i feel but really hope this is the start of the meds doing their job. Although now is the time i really need to help myself by keeping busy to pass the time while they work. Took a while to get to sleep last night but when i did nod off i slept right through and also no pain from my surgery which is great as i thought it would really hurt today.

Need to call the doctors and arrange to have my dressing changed, then get everything sorted for my son getting home from school as it's his birthday today, so i'm going to try and keep occupied and see how things go.

Jaysmd - will do, i'm pretty confident it's all going to be fine. Hope you are doing well?

Suzie - How are you doing at the moment?

x

[Suziewuzie]

That's great! It would be totally understandable if you felt pants after the hospital & everything but it's great that you're feeling good despite that.

Oh I'm day 4 of cold turkeying from Citalopram and feel dreadful

[Bramwell1]

Great news Jem. I hope it continues.

[Jem21]

Thanks Bramwell, sorry to hear you are feeling rubbish, i have replied to your thread and really hope you get sorted.

Suzie, aww sorry to hear you are feeling dreadful, cold turkey doesn't sound great, are you going to start anything else?

It's taken 6 weeks to even start to see some improvement so i'm fingers crossed it doesn't nosedive.

[Jem21]

So today up to now has been a bit all over the place, the tiredness is just silly... Went to post office and yawned all the way there and back. Had a headache and ear pressure most of the day and just want to lay down all the time. I have no energy or motivation although I don't feel depressed. I just feel totally wiped out all the time which really winds me up. I'm going to try and get out for a walk later but that's a tough one because of the op on my foot. Got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach rather than full blown anxiety. Tried to speak to my partner and he just said 'I don't know it changes every time I speak to you' then it turned into an argument. I now know not to try that again any time soon. My mum is really good so I'll have a chat with her later.

[Jem21]

Well today has been a complete wipe out to say the least!
The tired spell passed but the day went from bad to worse.
Had the argument with my partner. Then my son got home and was being a total nightmare, which then caused another argument with my partner..
I don't think it's helped that i've felt tired for most of the day and i've not really been able to do anything due to my foot and my jaw and ears along with the constant headache having been winding me up for most of the day, and i had a google fest about it which i shouldn't do, not that i think it's anything serious i just need to know how to fix it!!!! Haven't felt low though just wound up and on edge. The anxiety has also just been buzzing and hasn't gone full blown so i guess there is a plus somewhere.
Think i'm going to take myself off to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.